In the words of Rihanna "Big cities. Bright lights."

Last night was kind of a big night for me. And by kind of, I mean, "Holy shit this is a moment I will never forget!" That moment, my friends, was my premiere on the silver screen. I was on a freaking movie theater screen, yall!! Me. A short film I did called Midsummer was part of an event called the Houston Summer Sneak Peek, where four short films all made by Houston filmmakers were screened for the public. The event was sold out, which means 500 people saw me perform. It was amazing and exciting and scary and nerve-wrecking all at the same time. As the opening credits to the film began I was chanting in my head, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God." I even wanted to throw up in my mouth a little...but I didn't.

The River Oaks Theatre Marque. How cool is that?

What made the evening that much more memorable and exciting were the fact that my co-workers were there to support me. I work with the most amazing group of people. People who who have kids at home and who live out in BFE and have piles of work to do but who all put those things aside in order to come to my movie premiere. That's rare. So to my colleagues I want to say thank you. Thank you for encouraging me and for supporting me. It really means a lot. Yall are the greatest group of people to have by your side as your character lights a joint with her sisters on the silver screen. I feel truly blessed to work alongside people like you all.

My MMI Peeps
Not everyone in this photo was able to make it last night, and there are others who came that aren't in this photo (It's the only office photo I had, OK?! Get off my back). Movie attendees missing from this photo are: Susan Oakland, Kay Kayachith, Shane Baker and Maggie McDonald. Thanks so much for coming out, guys!!

For those of you near and dear to me who couldn't make it out last night, I am defriending you on Facebook right now. Just kidding. What I really want to say is that hopefully there will be many more chances for you to catch me on the movie theater screen.

Last night was really incredible, and my dream is to relive that feeling over and over again.

Girls of Midsummer
L to R: Director, Renee Edd; Actress Emily Hervey;
Actress, Sarah Stubbs (Me!) and Production Asst, Anna Peterek

Proud to be an American

Yesterday was the 4th of July. (Happy belated Independence Day!) My friend Erica and I met up with our co-worker Rick, his girlfriend Daniella and her sister Emilia (oh and Cha Cha and Cachito, they're dogs) at the Miller Outdoor Theater to catch the fireworks. Parking was insane, but once we got settled on the hilltop with our cooler of water, beer, carrots, ranch dip, turkey slices, cheese and a whole loaf of bread, which Rick repeatedly made fun of us for, we no longer cared that we just lugged all that crap a million miles and up a hill. Yes, a million miles. I kept count.

The weather was pleasant. It wasn't so hot that you wanted to shave your head and lie naked in a tub of ice, so that's always good. And once the sun set it was even better. The Houston Orchestra played patriotic music, and then it was time for fireworks. As I stood there watching those beautiful bursts of color and light shoot up into the sky I became overwhelmed with appreciation and pride and hope. I was so grateful to be an American, to live in such an incredible country where freedom is not a privilege but a right. I was also proud to be an American. I looked around me and saw Mexican-Americans, Asian-Americans, African-Americans, Indian-Americans all together gazing up into the sky and losing themselves in the power of those fireworks. You see, those fireworks were much more than bold colors and bright lights. They represented humanity, peace, and hope. It felt almost magical looking up into the night and feeling like anything is possible...And it is. Life is full of so many amazing moments. Sometimes we forget that and take for granted the little miracles that happen every day. July 4th reminds us how far we've come as a nation and how wonderful life in America is.


I want to say thank you to every member of our nation's armed forces--past, present and future. So many have fought and died so that we could enjoy our freedom and our liberties. So that we could have a voice and be heard. Thank you. Thank you for you selfless sacrifice. For those who have died, may you live for eternity in a special place in Heaven, and for those who are still fighting, may God bring you home safely.

God bless America!

Too legit. Too legit to quit...Ever

So, I'm a legit actress now...well, once I turn in my signed contract I will be. And I am so stoked about it! Yesterday I met with a talent agent from Pastorini-Bosby Talent (PB Talent), Houston's most well-known agency. They saw a couple of monologues that I did and offered me representation. Yesterday's meeting was to discuss how the agent-talent relationship works and get a contract.

My agent, Cindi Davis, was so friendly and personable, which made me feel very comfortable right from the start. She said she saw my monologues and that they were terrific, some of the best she has seen (I almost cried when I heard that, just sayin'). She asked me what classes I've taken, and when I said none, she said, "Wow. That's impressive. You just have that natural, God-given talent to act. You don't see that anymore." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I kept asking myself, "Is this real?" I can't even begin to describe how I felt at that moment and am still feeling now. When you want something so much, with your whole heart, you feel protective of it. Your sensitive about it and fearful that you may lose it. And for me, that fear of loss, that I might have to let go of a dream I've had all my life, is what kept me from going after it. I was scared that if I tried acting someone might tell me I'm bad and that would destroy me. So to hear that I'm not only skilled but have a natural, God-given talent is unlike anything I can describe. It makes me want to smile and cry and laugh and scream and jump up and down and stand completely still. It's a moment you want to get lost in and never find your way out of. I'm still living in that moment now.



We all have dreams. From the time we are little we all aspire to be something. And as we grow up those dreams change and manifest and expand and some go off our radar all together (I could not have been a paleontologist. Me and heat and dirt and digging. Not friends). Some of those dreams are HUGE and outlandish and fueled by hope. They are dreams you fear you have a one in a billion shot at reaching, dreams that others tell you you'll never fulfill. But it is so important that you not listen to those people. Ignore anyone who tries to convince you that you can't have something. Even, no especially, when that person is yourself. We are often times the biggest road block between ourselves and our dreams.

My biggest dream is to be an actress, to be on the big screen, to walk the red carpet and win an Oscar. Are those big dreams? Yes. Are they hard to achieve? Yes. But will that hinder my ability to go after them? NO. For the longest time I let myself keep me from pursuing my dream. I provided myself with excuse after excuse. And then last year I decided that I was no longer going to set by and watch my dream dissipate, leaving me with regret and constantly asking, "What if?". The feeling you get knowing that you are going after what you want is almost as good as getting what you want. So many people don't even try to achieve their dreams, so just making the effort is a great step forward.


I still have a long way to go before reaching my ultimate goal and a lot of obstacles that I will have to overcome on the way, but I just have to take this one step at a time, day by day. And then one day I'll look up and be standing on top of the world : )

I know this post is long and likely even boring, but I just want everyone to know that you CAN have anything you want. Anything. You just have to be willing to work for it and, at times, fight for it. When I was little and told my mom I wanted to be an actress she was completely supportive but said, "Just know that no one from Hollywood is just going to come knock on our door one day and say 'We want to put your daughter in a movie.'" In other words, you have to work for what you want. So please, please, please, if you have a dream, no matter how big or small, go for it. It's yours.

Before I shut up I want to say thank you to my amazing family for the unconditional support and encouragement. I am so, so blessed. Without my family and friends behind me, empowering me to keep going, my dream would always be just a dream. Thank you for giving me the strength to follow my heart. I love you all.

So it turns out I's gots skillz

So Tuesday night was a big milestone for me. It was the screening of the first movie I ever acted in, and it was the first time I ever watched myself. Needless to say I was a nervous wreck...on the inside, of course. You wouldn't have none that I simultaneously felt the urge to vomit, pee on myself and cry. I hid it well...I am an actress after all.

My Aunt Linda was there for moral support. For family and friends reading this who feel a bit perturbed that you didn't get an invite to this screening, unclench your fists because I didn't invite anyone. Linda found out because she is a member of the film group. And the reason I didn't tell anyone was because this was my first movie and first screening. If I was horrible, I didn't want all my loved ones to witness it. So anyway, Linda was there, which was great because should I have needed a hand to squeeze or a leg to dig my nails in to, I had one.

As the movie played, I anxiously awaited my scenes. The way I felt watching myself on TV is hard to explain. It's almost as if I was watching someone else, like it didn't sink in that that was me. Me. I was, of course, analyzing and critiquing every little thing I said or did. I sat on the front row, and once the movie was over I remember thinking, "Am I going to turn around and meet a room full of people scornfully staring at me, shaking their heads in disappointment? Or will I see smiling faces that produce words of praise?" I sat there a while, fixed on the blank TV in front me, awaiting the courage to turn around and see the audience reaction. When I finally did, I was met with...compliments, congratulations, hugs and smiles. OK, Sarah. You can breathe now. You did it.

To hear from my peers that I am talented, that I did an awesome job, that my acting is pure and believable was an incredible moment for me. One I will never forget. In that moment I finally had the strength to believe in myself. Having never had others watch me before, I could only hope I had talent, but I no longer have to hope for it, I can say I have it. And that is a moment of self worth I am grateful to have gained.

This screening was just the motivation I needed to keep pursuing my dream. One that I now feel is attainable.

Excuse me Motherhood, you can take a number and wait.

Disclaimer: Some names and photos in this post have been changed to protect the identity of those involved...and maybe also to appease their mother. Mostly the latter.

Disclaimer 2: None of the kids featured in this post are up for adoption...just sayin'

So yesterday evening I babysat my nephew Percy (fake name), 5 on the verge of 6, his brother Elias (also fake), 2 1/2, and our cousin Alex, also 2. As always, when I babysit I get a small dose of motherhood, but last night, with 3 boys, I got a dose that no spoonful of sugar would help go down.

I brought Alex and his big brother Joe over to my brother's house around 6pm. Pizza arrived promptly after...and the evening began. (side note: I don't include Joe in the list of kids I babysat because he's 13. If you have a couch and a laptop, done. I will say that it was helpful to have him there to go outside with the boys so that I could clean up. But I am ahead of myself here). I begin preparing the dinner plates one by one, while simultaneously participating in this conversation.

Percy: Alex, stop. I can't hear the movie.
Me: Alex, come play with that toy in here. Elias, you're food is ready.
Elias: Yay!
Me to Elias: What do you want to drink?
Percy: Alex, stop it.
Me: Alex, come in here, please.
Elias: Orange juice.
Me: Percy, ready for your pizza?
Percy: I don't want pizza.
Me: Well, you have to eat dinner.
Percy: But I don't want pizza. Alex, stop!
Me: Well how about a sandwich? Alex, put the toy down it's time to eat.
Percy: OK.
Me: PB&J no crust?
Percy: Yes.

Then once all three plates were ready, the next scene plays out as more of a monologue.

Me: Elias, come sit down and eat. Alex, don't put your fork in the toy box. Percy, you need to go eat your sandwich. Alex, Elias, come back to the table and eat. Percy, don't forget to eat your blueberries. Alex, where's you fork? Here Elias, wipe your hands on this not the table.

Fun times. After everyone had eaten, Joe took them all outside to play soccer, which gave me a LITTLE break to clean up and start laundry...That would be my laundry for those wondering. My dryer broke, and I had a load in the wash so I brought it over to dry it. Just clarifying in case you were thinking, "Wow. When she babysits she does the laundry too? Lets hire her." Umm, negative. I hate washing my own clothes, so I'm definitely not washing yours.

The cleaning break was short-lived, however, because I knew it would be a hard task for Joe to watch all three boys while also trying to entertain himself. So there I was following Elias around the yard because he held a baseball bat that I just knew was going to end up smacking Alex, who liked to stand in swinging range from Elias. Once Elias dropped the bat, I seized the opportunity to put it away. I turned my back for one second and a loud cry ensues. I turn around to see Elias in tears with skittle-flavored drool running down his chin. While frantically trying to figure out what happened, I discovered that he was mad at Joe for tickling him. So inside I go with Elias, who I clean up and put PJs on. Then in comes Percy. "He hurt my finger." "Who?" "Joe." "How?" "The ball." "Joe, what happened?" "I kicked the ball, and when he went to catch it he jammed his finger." "Percy, let me see. It looks fine. Are you OK?" "Yeah." "OK. Let me clean your face and get your PJs."

Bedtime was a feat all of it's own. Getting one kid to sleep can be taxing, three was damn near impossible. I put all three boys in Percy's bed to read to them. It was a good idea in theory. Things were off to a good start, but then Alex wanted to get down. I decided to lay him on the couch with Joe until I got Percy and Elias to sleep. I continue reading but am interrupted by fits of laughter. Elias is flopping about like a fish out of water. Percy starts laughing, which makes Elias laugh and inspires him to keep flopping around. I put my adult voice on and threatened to separate them. That method only worked for a grand total of 5 minutes. So I had to stick to my word and take Elias to his room and rock him. After he is good and drowsy I lay him in his bed...and he cries. I walk out and see if he will soothe himself. He does. Score! Then down the hallway comes Alex. Talking. That wakes Elias up. He cries. I go into Elias' room, and Alex, being curious as to why there is a crying baby, follows me. As I am rocking Elias again, Alex lays on a pillow-chair...and starts playing with a toy on the ground. I want to get him to stop, but Elias is sleeping on my chest so speaking in my normal voice may wake him. So I start whispering firmly, which if you've ever tried is not really that authoritative. "Ssp. Alex. Stop. Ssp. Hey. Stop." He eventually got the message. I put Elias back in bed. He cried again. I lied and said I had to use the restroom and would be right back. It worked. I didn't come back.

Two down. One to go. I must mention that at this point I had some perspiration going on. Was I jogging? No. On the treadmill. Nuh-uh. Doing exercise of any kind? Nope. But I now think putting three small kids to sleep at one time should be a part of the triathlon competitions. Lets see them do that. I took Alex into another room and sang to him until he fell asleep. Or maybe he just pretended to be asleep so I would stop singing. Either way, baby number 3 was out.

My brother and sister-in-law arrived home shortly after Alex went down. I gave them a brief recap of the night then scooped up Alex and headed out the door. It was there on the front porch with my purse on one shoulder and a sleeping baby Alex on the other that I realized that having this life would be completely satisfying. That motherhood, with it's snotty noses, sleepless nights and temper tantrums, will be the most fulfilling life of all....Not now, though. I'm good just babysitting. So motherhood, even though I turn all the lights off and pretend I'm not home when you knock on the door and don't answer the phone when you call, one day I will open the blinds and put out the welcome mat and be glad to have you. But how about booking a vacation until Mr. Right comes knocking on my door first? Deal?

I dedicate this post to Joe, Percy, Elias, Mason, Alex, Max and Everett. My boys. I love you all so much and enjoy every minute I spend with you. You give me all the perks of motherhood because I get to see you laugh and play and grow and learn...and then when you throw a fit or fall down and scrape your knee or have too much sugar, I get to go home : )

Joe (this pic is two years old)

Percy & Elias

Mason

Alex

Max

Everett

Sawyer Park, I dub thee King Douche Bag. Now kiss my ass!

I am livid! Why? Because last night a Houston sports bar - Sawyer Park on Washington Ave - would not let my best friend in their establishment because, get this, his pant legs were too baggy. For real? Like for real, for real? Turns out they were for real.

News flash Sawyer Park, you're an effing sports bar not an upscale club. People wear casual clothes to sports bars in case you missed that memo. And let me make the point that my friend's pant legs were no baggier than any other guy's pants that we saw inside. No. Baggier. It was the lamest excuse I had ever heard of, and I am outraged and appalled. Lets makes this clear, we are not talking about baggy pants in the sense that the waist was at his knees. He does not sag his jeans. The actual portion of his pants leg was too baggy according to the Ass Wipes at Sawyer Park. What they hell do they want, effing skinny jeans?

The douchey doorman could not even maintain eye contact with us because he knew he was being a shit bag. When I asked for the manager, that ball sweat asshole could only keep saying, "We have a strict dress code." Oh really? So you need to be snazy to go to a sports bar now? That means the guy inside with the t-shirt, khaki shorts and tennis shoes on should have been asked to leave, right? Oh no wait. That guy was white. Yep, I went there. I pulled out the race card. And I'm white. It was obvious that the real reason they would not let my friend was in because he is black. And here's the kicker: he's not even black. He is Puerto Rican and just looks black. As we looked around the bar, we noticed nothing but white people there last night. Coincidence? I do not think so.

So Sawyer Park, I hope termites infest your wood-structured bar and rid this world of such a trashy, ass backwards, piece of shit establishment.

The ultimate look in douchebaggery

Google the mind reader

Inspired by a blog post made by The Bloggess (http://thebloggess.com/?p=5585), I decided to put random words into Google to see what its Sylvia Browne-robot predicts I'm going to type. Remember Google, when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me...but mostly you. Then I made note of my favorites and have decided to share those with you. You're welcome.

Word typed:
-Was...
What Google assumed I was trying to ask:
-Was Jesus black? (yes, this is exactly what I was going to ask! that's incredible!)
-Was not was (now you're just fucking with me, Google)



Word typed:
-Can...
What Google assumed I was going to ask:
-Can I has cheeseburger? (umm no, but i'll gladly give you a grammar book)


Words typed:
-How about...
What Google assumed I was going to ask:
-How about that ride in hangover? (what state is hangover in? i'm pretty sure i've been there)
-How about a friendly shrink? (as in a psychiatrist, or you want to make me really small while being nice about it?)



Words typed:
-What do...
What Google assumed I was going to ask:
-What do tigers dream? (i bet they dream about biting your head off for asking such a stupid question)

"I cannot wait to maul the moron who asked about my dreams."

Words typed:
-Why does...
What Google assumed I was going to ask:
-Why does poop float? (you must have eaten something really light that day)

Words typed:
-When might...
What Google assumed I was going to ask:
-When might you hear the miranda warning? (when your ass is being arrested)

Umm, what's sticking out of this guy's stomach?

Word typed:
-Where
What Google assumed I was going to ask:
-Where is Santa right now? (when it's not christmas he always goes on a cruise. duh.)

And you thought you were having a bad day...

Story of the year...maybe even the decade. I will refrain from mentioning my source, as not to invoke humiliation, or rather invoke further humiliation. I was given permission to share this story as long as I kept the storyteller anonymous.

Ladies, we can all raise our hand and testify that at some point in our life we have either shaved, trimmed, buzzed, clipped, waxed, cropped, dyed, jeweled or bedazzled our nether regions. The reasons behind our actions vary. Sometimes we know our Lady of the Nile is having company, and everyone wants a clean house before visitors arrive. Sometimes we just have a lot going on down there and for comfort reasons we shape things up. Other times we're bored and want to see if we could have ever made it as a hair stylist. Whatever the reason may be, we women can all relate to pruning the hedges at some point. The tools of the trade are either a razor, scissors, clippers or a woman with hot wax and paper strips.

Today's tale begins as most do, with a woman in the shower cleaning up downtown as she has done many times throughout her years. (Most tales begin that way, right?) Her tool of choice? Scissors. Now this choice may seem ordinary or mundane, but when you combine that decision with early morning grogginess, you, my friend, have just mixed together the ingredients for disaster--a sharp object and an unsteady hand.

My phone rings:

Me: Hello
She Who Remains Anonymous: Are you ready for this?
Me: Yes....?
SWRA: I am on my way to the doctor to get stitches (pause)...in my labia!
Me: WHAT?!
SWRA: I have to get my labia stitched up?
Me: Why?! What happened?
SWRA: I was trimming my girlie parts with scissors and cut it in half!
Me: Are you kidding me?
SWRA: No. No, I am not. I tried to close it up with those butterfly band aids, but they wont stay.
Me: (laughing hysterically) No way!
SWRA: Yep. And to top it off, my gyno, who has seen my girlie parts many times, is out of town for a week, so I have to go to my general doctor, who is an attractive man.
Me: (tears of laughter now falling down my face)
SWRA: I mean, how am I supposed to explain this?
Me: I don't know, but call me when it's over. I have to know how it goes.

Later that afternoon my phones rings again.

SWRA: Four stitches and $285 later, here I am. $285! I could have gotten it a professional perm for $285. A fresh fade and a dye job. Ugh!
Me: How was it?
SWRA: Well, I told the doctor I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to get it over with...And getting local anesthesia in my noo-noo fucking hurts like shit! Just FYI.
Me: (laughing) Yeah it does! I had to get shots down there before, and I cried.
SWRA: Oh, and you couldn't have given me a little heads up on that?
Me: (laughing more) I forgot. What did you tell the doctor?
SWRA: I said, "I am in sheer pain. No pun intended."
Me: (extreme laughter)
SWRA: So now I have stitches in my hu-ha, and I can't have sex for six weeks. What the hell?
Me: (in tears yet again) OMG! This is all just too hilarious!
SWRA: Hmm. Glad I could amuse you.
Me: I was having a shitty day, but this turned it all around because nothing that has happened to me today even comes close to what has happened to you. So thanks for sharing.
SWRA: Love you too.

I must say that I sensed some sarcasm in that last line.

So there you have it. Someone I know cut their labia in half while trying to trim their girlie parts and had to get stitches. You have to wonder, what the hell kind of scissors were being used? Garden shears? A machete?


Either way, you have to admit that if you were thinking that your day was bad, this takes the cake. Remember this the next time you're running late for work, or you have a flat tire, or your boss gives you a dreadful assignment, or your kids wont go to bed. Simply close your eyes and say, "At least my labia is intact."

Show me the eight of pentacles...

I have some GREAT news!! My dog, Dax, who I spoke of in my previous post, is NOT going blind. We went to see an eye specialist yesterday, and it was discovered that Dax has an infection that has attacked his body through his eyes. Blood work was done to determine what the infection is, and I will know that on Monday. Both eyes are inflamed and have a cloudy substance in them (not seen by the human eye). With eye drops and antibiotics, Dax will be back to normal soon. I couldn't be happier! And I know it's because of the support I received from my incredible family, friends and co-workers. Thank you! It's just amazing to me that he went from total vision impairment Tuesday night to raising high concern in our vet on Wednesday to being fine on Thursday. Thank you, God! Thank you for answering all our prayers.


To add to that good news...the pilot for the vampire show I've been filming has been picked up by Showtime! This is super exciting news!! However, I will need to prove to the Showtime people that I deserve to keep my part. I will now have to re-audition for the show, and this time I'll be up against c-list Hollywood actresses. The director really wants me to keep my part, which is great, so he told me to bring it in this last scene we are shooting next week. I have to be able to standout from those tall, skinny, hot Hollywood girls and prove that I have the most talent, that I know the role better. And because I've been playing the role and have had one-on-one interaction about the role with the director, I know more about my character than anyone else. I have to use that to my advantage. Everyone please send good thoughts and prayers my way that I get to keep my part. I mean, how awesome would it be to be on Showtime?! It could be my big break : )

Side note about the post title: The eight of pentacles is associated with self-improvement and rewards that bring tremendous joy and satisfaction. If you were competing for something (the role in a TV show, for instance), this would symbolize the first prize. This tells you that success will be yours.

My Dog Needs Your Prayers

OK. So it's been a VERY long time since my last post. It seems I temporarily forgot how to take words and form coherent sentences with them. I didn't think anyone would enjoy a post that said: Yellow monkey lawnmower twisted lawsuit. I mean, how would you know that I was telling you that a yellow monkey was riding my lawnmower when he twisted his ankle, and now I face a lawsuit. But after some tedious therapy I can once again form sentences.

That's my lame attempt at humor. It's the best I got. Right now I am trying my darnedest to be optimistic. Trying desperately to avoid the voice inside my head that's telling me to breakdown and cry. I just want to submerge myself in water in hopes that it will wash my worry away. The concern I have is for my dog Dax.


Dax is my little angle. The sweetest puppy you'll ever meet. So full of life. Loves to run and play and give kisses. Which is why I knew something was up when I came home last night and he was acting so different, so lost. He was disoriented. Sniffing everything in the house like he was sniffing it for the first time. He would bump into things like he didn't see them at all. I would hold my finger or a toy in front of his face and move it from side to side, but he didn't follow it. He just stared blankly into space. His face was empty. I, of course, panicked and started crying because I was so scared for him. I mean, he must have been so confused, so scared. The vet was closed at this time, so I just waited until the morning to get him looked at. I slept with him snuggled close to my chest so that he felt safe and so that I could tell if something went wrong in the middle of the night. I woke up several times to make sure he was OK.

This morning he could see just fine. He went down the stairs into the backyard, which is previously was too scared to do, just like normal. I tested him again with my finger and a toy, and he followed it just fine. Hope was restored. However, I still took him to the vet to get checked out, to make sure there wasn't something I was missing.

The vet called me a bit ago to say that she is sending Dax to an eye specialist. My heart sank. My breath gone. She said that he'll follow her finger and walk in a straight line like normal, but that when she shines a light into his eyes neither one restricts. And when she used her special lens to see the structures behind his eye, she saw nothing. Her concern is that he has Progressive Retinal Degeneration, which is untreatable and inevitably leads to blindness. He is seeing a specialist on Tuesday. That feels like it's forever away. I want Dax tested now...but I can't do anything about that. I am on a cancellation list. If someone cancels I'll get their spot.

I'm just so upset. I don't want Dax to go blind. I hate to think that he'll never see his mommy's face again. And it breaks my heart to think about what he's feeling, to suddenly lose his sight. I am praying so hard that he does not have PRD, that what he has is curable and treatable. And I need your prayers as well. Please.

If he does go blind I will love him just the same. He will still be my precious baby. I will sit down with the vet to go over with her what to do when you're dog loses sight, and we'll go from there. Until we see the specialist I am going to love on Dax and comfort him and just make sure he feels at ease with his surroundings.

Please pray for him.

Update...Cause I know You Care

So it's been quite some time since my last post. I have now been living on my own for almost 3 weeks. It took some adjusting, but I've come to love it. And I can't help but be a bit proud of myself. As someone who always had to have some around for comfort and safety, I thought living alone would be a big feat for me. However, after the first few times I grew to enjoy my independence. I felt like...well, like a real adult. My mom came over, and we rearranged all the furniture. I redecorated my bathroom. I cook myself whatever I want for dinner. I decide what I watch on TV. And I get the whole bed to myself (no fighting for room or covers). Sure, I will once again welcome that constant companion, someone I share my life with again, but for now I am going to revel in this new-found independence and be grateful for it.

On the acting front, I have been cast in a new vampire show that is being pitched to Showtime. We are getting ready to film the pilot starting Saturday. I am Linda, a human who works for a vampire and who desperately wants to become a vampire...and enevtually I do. I am very excited because I get to play a human and then later a vampire, which allows me great range as an actress. I am super excited about this project. It's pretty dang cool, and it's a different take on vampires than what we've seen so far in movies and shows. It's already gotten some great interest. This one is the real deal. I've signed my contract and will be getting paid for my work. And then when it gets picked up, I will get paid from its success. I am just so thrilled right now and can't wait to start filming my scenes.

Well, I am exhausted. Work is CA-RAZY this week as I prepare for The Vintage Harvest Festival this Saturday at Vinatage Park. Everyone is invited. We will have art, food, wine, beer, kids activities, live music and a big screen in the Piazza showing football...so no excuses from the men. It's all free except for the wine & beer garden. That is $20 for 10 tastes or $50 to taste as you choose. Go to http://www.vintageharvestfest.com/ for directions and details...or ask me.

PS: I ate live ants today by accident, so I'm probably gonna wake up tomorrow with super powers. So...

He's Really Gone

It is through constant yawning and swollen eyes that I write this post today. All day yesterday I helped Adam pack his stuff and move into his new apartment. We were moving nonstop from 11:30 am to 8:00 pm, at which time we stopped to watch Dexter, then we made a final trip at 9:30 pm. We were going so fast and staying so busy that is wasn't until that last trip to his new place that everything hit me all at once. I stayed strong for as long as I could. I helped him set up his kitchen without shedding a single tear. I hung his new shower curtain without the slightest despair. I put clothes in his closet, helped him lay out his furniture, placed his toothbrush in his new bathroom cabinet all the while holding my composure...until it came time for that final goodbye. As we stood in the parking lot hugging each other one last time, I lost it. This is it. I cried like a baby the whole way home and kept crying as I walked through MY front door and into MY living room. As I made MY bed and watched MY television. These things were no longer ours. I must confess that it hurt...a lot. 

I found such comfort in falling alseep each night knowing that Adam was in the other room, mere seconds away. It was nice to have dinner with someone every night, to laugh with someone when the dogs did something crazy, to share my life with the same person for four years. And now that's all gone. I was in mourning last night. In mourning over the loss of a lifestyle I had come to know, the loss of a campion I had come to depend on as a constant fixture in my life. I walked from room to room when I got home and took in all the changes, all the empty space. It's a whole new house, one that I will have to get used to. It even feels different. The energy has changed. The house is in mourning too.

But although I have some tough nights ahead of me, I find solace in knowing that this was the right decision. These next few months are going to be spent healing, adjusting and beginning anew. I can steer my life in whatever direction I choose, and that is amazing. After a few nights the tears will subside, and eventually it will feel like home again.

I want to thank my incredible family and friends for all their love and support. I could not do this without you. I am just so lucky to have you all in my life and want you to know that I'm forever grateful. 

Change

Last post was Sept. 23. Holy cow! That was like a million years ago. I don't really have an excuse other than I momentarily stopped liking you because you forced me to take special pills that would make my imaginary friend disappear. Then I realized that was the mean mother in Drop Dead Fred that did that, not you. And it wasn't even me she did it to, it was her daughter, Elizabeth played by Phoebe Cates. So in short, I forgive you.

Right now my life is kind of in a whirlwind. It's like a hurricane, and I'm the eye in the center watching everything fly by me. Rapid change will do that to a person. What in my life is changing, you ask? Well, my boyfriend, Adam, and I have decided to break up and travel our own life path. He and I had been together for over 4 years. That's a long time. Four years holds a lot of hugs, kisses, laughs, tears, surprises, inside jokes. There are a lot of things that there wont be anymore of. No more cuddling on the couch watching TV, no more saying 'I love you,' no more cooking dinner for two, no more coming home to someone. That's a hard pill to swallow, and it's not going to make any imaginary friend disappear. It's going to make a whole lifestyle disappear...but a new one will grow in its place.

I do not regret this change, I embrace it, welcome it because it is needed. Adam and I just grew a part over the years. It wasn't anything either of us did or didn't do. No one is at fault, no one is a bad person. We're both good people who want different things in life, and that's OK. The best thing to do is to recognize that and let each go our own way rather than pretend it's all fine and wind up resenting one another. I didn't want to resent Adam. He's a great guy with a big heart. We just aren't in love anymore, and someone needed to say it out loud. It was so hard to do, but once I got it out there was instant relief. Anger, denial and tears followed, but that all subsided so that understanding, agreement and acceptance could emerge. I am so thankful that Adam and I can continue to be friends.

I would like to say that I don't regret the relationship we had. I don't for one second think our time together was a waste. I will walk away with some great memories that I will cherish forever. I will walk away having grown as a person and spiritually. I'm a better person for being with Adam, and I'm grateful for that. The next month will definitely have it's rough patches. I will have to get used to waking up alone. When I come home, I now have to know that no one will be coming in behind me. Going to bed without hearing The Mist or a PS3 gaming playing in the living room will be an adjustment : ) But as time goes on, a new routine will emerge, new habits will form, new realities will suddenly seem as though they've always been. This is an opportunity that he and I have both been given. The opportunity to mold our lives exactly the way we want them. The future is waiting for us to assemble it, shape it. The future is in my grasp, and I am reaching out.

A note to Adam: I know this isn't how we saw things playing out, but sometimes the greatest moments in life are the unexpected ones. I will cherish the time we had together and hold dear to the memories we've made. I wish you all the best as you conquer the future. You are smart and creative and filled with passion. Use those things. Thank you for understanding that this is a good decision for us, and thank you for opening your mind to the idea of a better life for us both. You're in my heart always.

The rantings of a crazy, peed on pizza

(GREAT BIG SIGH) I'm a bit discombobulated. Lots going on. Lots on my mind. Let me sum it up for you here because I know you have nothing better to do than read the goings on of my life...Which probably makes you a loser, but I'm not all judgy so don't sweat it.

First of all, the audition I had this past Saturday was the fastest audition EVER! Now I know I've only been on a grand total of 3 auditions, but I consulted Brad about it...that's Brad Pitt, by the way...and he even agreed that it was the fastest audition of all time. I checked in, filled out two forms, went into a room full of people, watched someone audition, I auditioned and then watched someone else audition all in 10 minutes. It was like the speed dating of auditions. I walked out of there having NO IDEA how to feel about it. 

I mean, the director went through everyone super fast. No one was asked to read their monologue, and people who had more than 5 lines in their given scene didn't even get to finish. It was weird. I think there was a time crunch happening. And I came to this conclusion because the director kept saying, "Sorry. I don't mean to be brash, but I'm running out of time." I know, I'm a real detective putting two and two together like that. So anyway, I felt blah afterward and was a bit POed that I paid $6 to park when I could have paid $2. I didn't do the $2 option because the director's email said to be prepared to stay 90 min. So there's that. 

Moving on...I just found out that my dog, Lola, has urine incontinence. Translation. She pees in her sleep. And she sleeps in bed with me. Wonderful. She has no idea she is peeing and doesn't even wake up during or after. It isn't until my foot stumbles upon a wet spot that I know she has peed. Then everyone has to get up at 4am while I strip the bed, and then we all sleep elsewhere. She is now on medication and will have to be on it for the rest of her life. My poor baby : ( This probably explains why she's been so down lately. She's ashamed. She knows peeing inside is a no-no, and even though she has no control over this at all, I think she still feels like she's been a bad girl. 

So I am being an understanding mommy. I tell her it's OK and that the medicine should start working soon. In the meantime, she goes outside right before bedtime, and then I hope for the best. Silver lining. I have super clean sheets. I do ask that you pray for the medicine to work because if not we have to take more extensive action. Urine incontinence is due to a low level of estrogen. Last resort is that Lola will have to get hormone injections, which carries side effects. Don't want to travel that road so please pray.

Oh no, I'm not done bitching yet. There's more. MY FACE! All this stress has made my face retaliate in the worst way...OK, maybe not in the worst way. My face could have fallen off completely, which really would be the worst thing, but it has done the second worst thing. Broken out. Ugh!!! Hate it. True story. This kid ran up and bit my face today mistaking it for a pepperoni pizza. 

Can you believe that? Well don't. It's a lie. I know I said it was a true story, but I was lying. No, that doesn't mean you shouldn't believe everything else I've said so far. Get over your trust issues. Lets work past this. OK. True story for reals. When I look at myself in the mirror I throw up a little....Yes, that's technically a lie too, but not completely. I FEEL like throwing up, I just have a tough stomach. Otherwise I totally would. To add salt to the wound (the wound being my vanity), I am supposed to be in a short film this weekend. Who wants to see this mug on film? Not me. I am desperately hoping the shoot gets rescheduled. Please, please, please.

So yeah, that's what I got going for me. I could go on and on, but we both know you'd cry, both for me and because of me. Lets save those tears. Hope your life is less stressful than mine. Adios.

WHOOP WHOOP! ANOTHER AUDITION!

First let me update you on the last post I made about an audition. It was for the part of Summer on a TV show called Toonagers. (You can catch up here is you missed that one). I didn't get the part of Summer, but the producers were very impressed by my audition and have asked me to take on another role. What that will be is to be determined. They are in the process of creating said character for me. Once they have a list of possible roles for me to play they will let me choose the one I like best. So even though I didn't get the role I read for, I have still been asked to be on the show and have received some pretty awesome compliments. The producers said that of all the auditions, no one had anywhere near my level of professionalism and craft, and they said I looked great on camera. Pretty cool to hear, right? 

They wanted me to meet the lead actor, so I went to see his band perform this past Saturday at The Mink downtown. They're really good--Electric Attitude is the name if you want to check them out. I got to meet him briefly, as he was busy making the rounds, and he mentioned that he watched my audition tape and said I was really good. Hearing these things from people I don't know feels really good. As someone just getting their toes wet in acting and having had no training whatsoever, it's easy to wonder if you're any good, if you even have the slightest bit of talent. Seems as though I'm not too shabby...either that or these people are lying to me so that I don't drowned myself in my tears. I'm gonna go with the former here.

While this is going on I submitted my headshot and resume to a director--Travis Ammons--who is working on a film in Houston called The Suicide Note (or Suicide Notes). It's a darker film but one with a mix of comedy. Here's the synopsis: Struggling playwright Julian Parker has sold his first play, THE SUICIDE NOTE. Despite the play ending in tragedy (the lead commits suicide), crazy naked director and local theatre legend Don Paulson wants to produce the play for a limited-three night-engagement. His gimmick is to cast three different actors in the lead role, each of whom are willing to commit suicide, literally, on stage at the end of the show. This dark satire about where modern media and reality TV are possibly taking us deals with the playwright and his moral dilemma over having these possible suicides on his conscience as well as delving into the lives and relationships of the director (and his sexy, money hungry producer) and the three “suicidal” actors who are cast in the play.

Interesting, right? I think so. It's slated to have some known actors involved, which is exciting. So like I said, I sent my headshot and asked if there is a role for a young, caucasian, blond female, and I got an email back from Travis that said my audition is this Sat. at 3pm. He attached a brief scene from the script (I am reading for the part of  the punk girls. Which one they are looking for me to play, I don't know at this point. I may read for all three. One of them is one of the girls who commits suicide in the play). I also have to prepare a 30 second theatrical monologue. I think I'm going to read a monologue from Louise Hovick aka Gypsy Rose Lee from the play Gypsy. Got to start prepping tonight : ) I have the scene from the film memorized, I just need to work on the details on the characters' persona.

So, wish me luck! I am nervous and excited. 

My Trip to Playa del Carmen!!

As some of you may know and others may not, I recently returned from a girls trip in Playa del Carmen. (First day there)

Hands down best vaca ever! Loved every moment of it...especially the massages on the beach. Yep, that's what I said. On. The. Beach. Be jealous...No seriously, be jealous.

I went with me two besties, Carrie & Julie, and had a great time. We sunbathed on the beautiful beach, went snorkeling, drank in the pool, ate, ate and ate some more, met tons of cool people, went out at night. It was just awesome! And to sweeten the deal, we had this in our hotel room...

Oh yeah! And how much was it to drink this alcohol? NADA! That's right, free. It was included in our package. How cool is that? Pretty dang if you ask me.

Because Julie and Carrie are two of the fun and funniest girls I know, we had a lot of laughs on our trip. And some crazy things happened too. Like, I had a spider monkey jump up on my shoulder.

And while I was walking to the beach one morning, a gardner asked me if I liked coconut. I said sure. Next thing I know he whips out a machete (a MACHETE, y'all!), grabs a coconut he got from one of the hotel tress, carves out the top, sticks a straw in it and gives it to me. Not an everyday thing for me. So I continue my walk to the beach with a huge ass coconut in my hand sipping juice from a straw. Then, while chillaxin' in the kids pool (no kids in it at the time), we saw this...

We named him Fernando. Not sure what the hell he is. He looked like a rat-pig thing. And I got stung by a bee for the first time in my life. I made it 25 years without getting stung by anything. I must say that I feel all grown up now. It stung for a bit, so nurse Carrie went up to this group of people (that knew no english by the way), asked for a cig, broke it a part and put the tobacco on my wound. Not sure what she was going for there. Apparently it's better to use dip.

I will say that we were all surprised by how European it is there. We met no other Americans. But we did meet people from Wales, England, Norway, Scotland, Spain, Italy. It was awesome! Being around all those accents was so cool. Being around all those topless women and speedo-wearing men...kinda weird.

I will also note that I did get color on this trip, brown not red, which is rare. Pretty exciting for a whitey like me to get a natural tan. I like it! Can't wait to go back : )

NEW AUDITION!

So, wow. I am posting two days in a row. This is monumental. HUGE. Get excited...So are you?What do you mean Am I what? Excited? Well fine, I don't care. Be a crappy friend. Because you're not excited, my self esteem has gone down, making me depressed and angry, which provoked me to throw my scissors across the office, hitting someone in the eye. Now she's crying and bleeding everywhere. Her loud crying (really, she's overdoing it if you ask me) made everyone come running out to see what the chaos is about, wherein another colleague of mine slipped in the blood of my now one-eyed colleague and now that person has a concussion and amnesia. Everyone is looking at me like I'm the one responsible when really it's you. I'm probably gonna get fired now, not be able to pay my rent, get kicked out of my house and forced to live on the streets with my dogs, who I will have to pimp out to other homeless dogs so I can feed us all. Hope you're happy. You are the reason there's dog prostitution.

Oh, what? Feeling guilty that young, innocent pups are having to give up what's sacred to them because you can't display an emotion? Want to get excited now? Thought so.

Here's why I'm excited: I got another audition! This time it's for a comedy TV show called Toonagers (www.toonagers.tv)

Premise: It's 2010 in Austin, Texas. 22 year old Max Villanueva is a talented illustrator in his final semester at art school. He’s expected to graduate with honors and get an internship at a California studio that is touted as “the next Pixar.” Through an unforseen debacle, Max ends up failing his final, losing the internship, and forced to remain in Texas. His prospects bleak, Maxy seems on the verge of folding like a pair of pants until one of his best friends, angry computer geek Chuck, helps him acquire an animator’s job at Studio e-1, a small Austin-based company just getting off the ground.

e-1 handles mostly advertising for corporate clients – a far cry from what Max originally sought

– but it pays the bills and provides a workout for his animation skills. All the while, though, he

and Chuck are developing a concept for a program they call "Cel Mates" – the animated adventures of themselves and their crazy Austin friends.

Yes, it's set in Austin, but filming is at a studio in Houston. I will be auditioning for the role of Summer Woolbright: Summer is cut from a different cloth. She is the malfunctioning highbeam that can't be shut off. In life, she has the most flair. Summer was unknown to the other characters until being hired by Todd (boss) as the receptionist. At E-1, the proactive Summer instituted new traditions, including a monthly celebration called "Sparkles," where baked goods she had decorated to resemble the employees were eaten. Optimistic in a way befitting her name, Summer means well, even if some cynics dismiss her as a mere "heinous annoyance." 

A favorite target of the boys' practical jokes, Summer's facebook, twitter and myspace pages are regularly mocked, if not hacked. On those sites, she lists her 3 biggest heroes and influences, in order, as Joel Osteen, Ugly Betty, and 50 Cent.  She is first to know about all breaking news (refreshing TMZ and Perez Hilton dozens of times per day), and keeps in shape through a combination of river tubing, Nintendo Wii and indoor karaoke cycling. When there's a big job to be done and morale is low, Summer can be counted on to rally and excite the E-1 troops by flexing her muscles and encouraging them to be, "strong like bull!"

I got the script I will audition with yesterday, and it's really funny. Summer would be such a fun character to play. I so hope I get the part! Like Shut Your Blog Off, this too will film on weekends. I think it'll be so cool to go to an actual studio with set changes and wardrobe changes and do a comedy show with a group of talented, young actors. So you have an idea of what kind of humor it entails, Toonagers pulls from the shows The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It's not kids comedy, it's cable-TV, adult content comedy.

Wish me luck!

I could be bipolar...or just crazy

So last night I went to dinner with two beautiful ladies that I worked with at Bernstein & Assoc. (my first PR job). As I was driving home I got to thinking about how lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life. I mean, I have some awesome friends and family, y'all! Just incredible people that I am blessed to know and have in my life, people that mean so much to me. Old colleagues. Childhood friends. Acting companions. Family members. Current colleagues. To all of you I want to say Thank you! Thank you for coming into my life and making a lasting impression.

I carried those warm, fuzzy thoughts with me all the way home (much like the last little piggie)...until I turned the corner onto my street and saw that the across the street neighbors had parked their car in front of my house again. Those tender, mushy moments I had turned into douchebag this and mother f%*$er that and man, I really want to punch this car in its face or I really have to pee from the wine at the restaurant. Would it be wrong if I pissed on this stupid ass car? But know that during those 15 minutes it took me to drive home, I did experience some heartfelt emotions for all the great people I know and love. You're welcome.

I got an email from mi madre today (yes, I am bilingual. note it...and then erase it cause I'm lying). It was a list of church bulletins thats typos and/or wording made them very funny. Here are highlights of my favs:

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

(Why do I feel like these scouts are going to take a Dr. Pepper can and shank a 5-year-old?)

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

(This church must not have faith that its members know how to cook or they wouldn't be serving up Tums and Pepto afterward)

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

(Ummm, not sure what kind of church this is, but I'm pretty sure they got more worshipers that Friday. I would bet the word 'Church' here refers to a strip club. Just a thought.)

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

(I'm going to that hymn singing! I wonder if it's a 'clothes optional' gathering.)

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

(Now that's just wrong)

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours. 

(That's a little rude, don't you think? OK, so I can't increase my pledge. No need to butt rape my efforts, Father Dave.)

Just stupid shit today. Don't even bother unless you're really bored.

Wow! It has been a whole 2 weeks to the day since I last posted. What kind of world am I making you all live in? I'm sure you've been pulling your hair out everyday waiting for me to write something. For that I would like offer you a $5 off coupon for Rogaine to replace any lost hair...only I don't have any coupons, so I can only offer you an apology...except I'm not gonna do that either because I'm not really sorry, and I believe you shouldn't apologize if you don't mean it. Excuse me for having integrity.

Throughout the day and over the weekends things happen or come up that make me say, "I should blog about that." However, every time I get ready to blog I can't remember any of the things I said I should blog about. Ain't that somethin'?...Kinda pisses me off, really, so don't bring it up again.

Oh, I got a new deodorant (above). It's by Dove, and it's called Wild Rose, in case you can't read. Not at all sure what a wild rose smells like, so I can't comment on the accuracy of the name. Nor do I know what makes a rose wild. I mean, is the particular rose that made my deodorant known around the garden as the party rose, the one that gets drunk and sleeps around with all the other flowers? If so, that's awesome! But regardless of how promiscuous my rose was, this shiz be smelling good, yall! The first time I used it I had just gotten out of the shower and was putting my make on, and I kept sniffing the air and thinking Man, what smells so damn good? Did Adam spray something? Then I'd apply some blush and then some eyeshadow and again Freakin' A! Where is that coming from? I want to capture that scent, put it into a deodorant stick, name is Wild Rose and sale that biatch! Then it hit me. That good smell was coming from me. From my pits, if you can believe that. Then I was kinda bummed because there went my grand idea to make the scent into a deodorant called Wild Rose. Dove beat me to it. Bastards. I have no shame in confessing that I now frequently lift my arms just to get a whiff every now and again. Don't judge me.

Just 24 days until my trip to Playa! Whoo hoo! So excited...I am a little P-Oed, though, and a

tad confused. 

Yeah, like her...Although I think she was staring up at a latter as her coworker climbed up to get a box of paper. See, the printer ran out of paper, and you know no one's going to claim they used the last piece so her colleague offered to go get some more from the supply closet. Because safety comes first, Thelma here said she'd spot Kevin and support the latter. Only she didn't know Kevin, who has a sensitive stomach, had a big plate of Mexican food for lunch. On his way up he farted right in Thelma's face, and her hands are up like that because she's asking God Why? My point is that she's more disgusted, whereas I am confused. But I digress....I started going to the gym 3-4 times a week when I was 6 weeks out from the trip, hoping to get rid of some flab before I squeeze my ass into a bathing suit. However, I have not seen the results I expected to see at this point. Now, I will confess that I haven't really changed my eating habits, but they haven't gotten worse either. So here's my logic: Lets say that before working out I was eating 200 cal/day (we all know that's a big fat lie because I wouldn't survive on just 200 calories a day, but I like the number 200, so get over it). At this point in my very fake scenario, I am doing no physical activity. Now I keep eating 200 cal/day but add in working out. Because I am now burning more calories than I was before, wouldn't I still lose weight even though I didn't drastically change my eating habits? Did I make any damn sense to you just now? Ugh! Whatever. Be like that then. No, I am not being a baby. You're dumb. I'm being rude? Nuh uh, you are. I'm rubber, and you're glue. So there...My point (before you threw a hissy fit) is that I'm not as confident to get into a bathing suit as I hoped to be.

Well, I'm kinda bored of writing because none of the things I told myself to blog about came back to me while I was filling this page with stupid crap. And by bored I mean annoyed. And by stupid crap I mean really stupid crap. I think I should take after The Bloggess, my blogging idol, and start writing things down in a notebook or journal as they happen so that when I get ready to blog I just take out my notes and voila. Until next time, friends.