Change

Last post was Sept. 23. Holy cow! That was like a million years ago. I don't really have an excuse other than I momentarily stopped liking you because you forced me to take special pills that would make my imaginary friend disappear. Then I realized that was the mean mother in Drop Dead Fred that did that, not you. And it wasn't even me she did it to, it was her daughter, Elizabeth played by Phoebe Cates. So in short, I forgive you.

Right now my life is kind of in a whirlwind. It's like a hurricane, and I'm the eye in the center watching everything fly by me. Rapid change will do that to a person. What in my life is changing, you ask? Well, my boyfriend, Adam, and I have decided to break up and travel our own life path. He and I had been together for over 4 years. That's a long time. Four years holds a lot of hugs, kisses, laughs, tears, surprises, inside jokes. There are a lot of things that there wont be anymore of. No more cuddling on the couch watching TV, no more saying 'I love you,' no more cooking dinner for two, no more coming home to someone. That's a hard pill to swallow, and it's not going to make any imaginary friend disappear. It's going to make a whole lifestyle disappear...but a new one will grow in its place.

I do not regret this change, I embrace it, welcome it because it is needed. Adam and I just grew a part over the years. It wasn't anything either of us did or didn't do. No one is at fault, no one is a bad person. We're both good people who want different things in life, and that's OK. The best thing to do is to recognize that and let each go our own way rather than pretend it's all fine and wind up resenting one another. I didn't want to resent Adam. He's a great guy with a big heart. We just aren't in love anymore, and someone needed to say it out loud. It was so hard to do, but once I got it out there was instant relief. Anger, denial and tears followed, but that all subsided so that understanding, agreement and acceptance could emerge. I am so thankful that Adam and I can continue to be friends.

I would like to say that I don't regret the relationship we had. I don't for one second think our time together was a waste. I will walk away with some great memories that I will cherish forever. I will walk away having grown as a person and spiritually. I'm a better person for being with Adam, and I'm grateful for that. The next month will definitely have it's rough patches. I will have to get used to waking up alone. When I come home, I now have to know that no one will be coming in behind me. Going to bed without hearing The Mist or a PS3 gaming playing in the living room will be an adjustment : ) But as time goes on, a new routine will emerge, new habits will form, new realities will suddenly seem as though they've always been. This is an opportunity that he and I have both been given. The opportunity to mold our lives exactly the way we want them. The future is waiting for us to assemble it, shape it. The future is in my grasp, and I am reaching out.

A note to Adam: I know this isn't how we saw things playing out, but sometimes the greatest moments in life are the unexpected ones. I will cherish the time we had together and hold dear to the memories we've made. I wish you all the best as you conquer the future. You are smart and creative and filled with passion. Use those things. Thank you for understanding that this is a good decision for us, and thank you for opening your mind to the idea of a better life for us both. You're in my heart always.

The rantings of a crazy, peed on pizza

(GREAT BIG SIGH) I'm a bit discombobulated. Lots going on. Lots on my mind. Let me sum it up for you here because I know you have nothing better to do than read the goings on of my life...Which probably makes you a loser, but I'm not all judgy so don't sweat it.

First of all, the audition I had this past Saturday was the fastest audition EVER! Now I know I've only been on a grand total of 3 auditions, but I consulted Brad about it...that's Brad Pitt, by the way...and he even agreed that it was the fastest audition of all time. I checked in, filled out two forms, went into a room full of people, watched someone audition, I auditioned and then watched someone else audition all in 10 minutes. It was like the speed dating of auditions. I walked out of there having NO IDEA how to feel about it. 

I mean, the director went through everyone super fast. No one was asked to read their monologue, and people who had more than 5 lines in their given scene didn't even get to finish. It was weird. I think there was a time crunch happening. And I came to this conclusion because the director kept saying, "Sorry. I don't mean to be brash, but I'm running out of time." I know, I'm a real detective putting two and two together like that. So anyway, I felt blah afterward and was a bit POed that I paid $6 to park when I could have paid $2. I didn't do the $2 option because the director's email said to be prepared to stay 90 min. So there's that. 

Moving on...I just found out that my dog, Lola, has urine incontinence. Translation. She pees in her sleep. And she sleeps in bed with me. Wonderful. She has no idea she is peeing and doesn't even wake up during or after. It isn't until my foot stumbles upon a wet spot that I know she has peed. Then everyone has to get up at 4am while I strip the bed, and then we all sleep elsewhere. She is now on medication and will have to be on it for the rest of her life. My poor baby : ( This probably explains why she's been so down lately. She's ashamed. She knows peeing inside is a no-no, and even though she has no control over this at all, I think she still feels like she's been a bad girl. 

So I am being an understanding mommy. I tell her it's OK and that the medicine should start working soon. In the meantime, she goes outside right before bedtime, and then I hope for the best. Silver lining. I have super clean sheets. I do ask that you pray for the medicine to work because if not we have to take more extensive action. Urine incontinence is due to a low level of estrogen. Last resort is that Lola will have to get hormone injections, which carries side effects. Don't want to travel that road so please pray.

Oh no, I'm not done bitching yet. There's more. MY FACE! All this stress has made my face retaliate in the worst way...OK, maybe not in the worst way. My face could have fallen off completely, which really would be the worst thing, but it has done the second worst thing. Broken out. Ugh!!! Hate it. True story. This kid ran up and bit my face today mistaking it for a pepperoni pizza. 

Can you believe that? Well don't. It's a lie. I know I said it was a true story, but I was lying. No, that doesn't mean you shouldn't believe everything else I've said so far. Get over your trust issues. Lets work past this. OK. True story for reals. When I look at myself in the mirror I throw up a little....Yes, that's technically a lie too, but not completely. I FEEL like throwing up, I just have a tough stomach. Otherwise I totally would. To add salt to the wound (the wound being my vanity), I am supposed to be in a short film this weekend. Who wants to see this mug on film? Not me. I am desperately hoping the shoot gets rescheduled. Please, please, please.

So yeah, that's what I got going for me. I could go on and on, but we both know you'd cry, both for me and because of me. Lets save those tears. Hope your life is less stressful than mine. Adios.

WHOOP WHOOP! ANOTHER AUDITION!

First let me update you on the last post I made about an audition. It was for the part of Summer on a TV show called Toonagers. (You can catch up here is you missed that one). I didn't get the part of Summer, but the producers were very impressed by my audition and have asked me to take on another role. What that will be is to be determined. They are in the process of creating said character for me. Once they have a list of possible roles for me to play they will let me choose the one I like best. So even though I didn't get the role I read for, I have still been asked to be on the show and have received some pretty awesome compliments. The producers said that of all the auditions, no one had anywhere near my level of professionalism and craft, and they said I looked great on camera. Pretty cool to hear, right? 

They wanted me to meet the lead actor, so I went to see his band perform this past Saturday at The Mink downtown. They're really good--Electric Attitude is the name if you want to check them out. I got to meet him briefly, as he was busy making the rounds, and he mentioned that he watched my audition tape and said I was really good. Hearing these things from people I don't know feels really good. As someone just getting their toes wet in acting and having had no training whatsoever, it's easy to wonder if you're any good, if you even have the slightest bit of talent. Seems as though I'm not too shabby...either that or these people are lying to me so that I don't drowned myself in my tears. I'm gonna go with the former here.

While this is going on I submitted my headshot and resume to a director--Travis Ammons--who is working on a film in Houston called The Suicide Note (or Suicide Notes). It's a darker film but one with a mix of comedy. Here's the synopsis: Struggling playwright Julian Parker has sold his first play, THE SUICIDE NOTE. Despite the play ending in tragedy (the lead commits suicide), crazy naked director and local theatre legend Don Paulson wants to produce the play for a limited-three night-engagement. His gimmick is to cast three different actors in the lead role, each of whom are willing to commit suicide, literally, on stage at the end of the show. This dark satire about where modern media and reality TV are possibly taking us deals with the playwright and his moral dilemma over having these possible suicides on his conscience as well as delving into the lives and relationships of the director (and his sexy, money hungry producer) and the three “suicidal” actors who are cast in the play.

Interesting, right? I think so. It's slated to have some known actors involved, which is exciting. So like I said, I sent my headshot and asked if there is a role for a young, caucasian, blond female, and I got an email back from Travis that said my audition is this Sat. at 3pm. He attached a brief scene from the script (I am reading for the part of  the punk girls. Which one they are looking for me to play, I don't know at this point. I may read for all three. One of them is one of the girls who commits suicide in the play). I also have to prepare a 30 second theatrical monologue. I think I'm going to read a monologue from Louise Hovick aka Gypsy Rose Lee from the play Gypsy. Got to start prepping tonight : ) I have the scene from the film memorized, I just need to work on the details on the characters' persona.

So, wish me luck! I am nervous and excited. 

My Trip to Playa del Carmen!!

As some of you may know and others may not, I recently returned from a girls trip in Playa del Carmen. (First day there)

Hands down best vaca ever! Loved every moment of it...especially the massages on the beach. Yep, that's what I said. On. The. Beach. Be jealous...No seriously, be jealous.

I went with me two besties, Carrie & Julie, and had a great time. We sunbathed on the beautiful beach, went snorkeling, drank in the pool, ate, ate and ate some more, met tons of cool people, went out at night. It was just awesome! And to sweeten the deal, we had this in our hotel room...

Oh yeah! And how much was it to drink this alcohol? NADA! That's right, free. It was included in our package. How cool is that? Pretty dang if you ask me.

Because Julie and Carrie are two of the fun and funniest girls I know, we had a lot of laughs on our trip. And some crazy things happened too. Like, I had a spider monkey jump up on my shoulder.

And while I was walking to the beach one morning, a gardner asked me if I liked coconut. I said sure. Next thing I know he whips out a machete (a MACHETE, y'all!), grabs a coconut he got from one of the hotel tress, carves out the top, sticks a straw in it and gives it to me. Not an everyday thing for me. So I continue my walk to the beach with a huge ass coconut in my hand sipping juice from a straw. Then, while chillaxin' in the kids pool (no kids in it at the time), we saw this...

We named him Fernando. Not sure what the hell he is. He looked like a rat-pig thing. And I got stung by a bee for the first time in my life. I made it 25 years without getting stung by anything. I must say that I feel all grown up now. It stung for a bit, so nurse Carrie went up to this group of people (that knew no english by the way), asked for a cig, broke it a part and put the tobacco on my wound. Not sure what she was going for there. Apparently it's better to use dip.

I will say that we were all surprised by how European it is there. We met no other Americans. But we did meet people from Wales, England, Norway, Scotland, Spain, Italy. It was awesome! Being around all those accents was so cool. Being around all those topless women and speedo-wearing men...kinda weird.

I will also note that I did get color on this trip, brown not red, which is rare. Pretty exciting for a whitey like me to get a natural tan. I like it! Can't wait to go back : )

NEW AUDITION!

So, wow. I am posting two days in a row. This is monumental. HUGE. Get excited...So are you?What do you mean Am I what? Excited? Well fine, I don't care. Be a crappy friend. Because you're not excited, my self esteem has gone down, making me depressed and angry, which provoked me to throw my scissors across the office, hitting someone in the eye. Now she's crying and bleeding everywhere. Her loud crying (really, she's overdoing it if you ask me) made everyone come running out to see what the chaos is about, wherein another colleague of mine slipped in the blood of my now one-eyed colleague and now that person has a concussion and amnesia. Everyone is looking at me like I'm the one responsible when really it's you. I'm probably gonna get fired now, not be able to pay my rent, get kicked out of my house and forced to live on the streets with my dogs, who I will have to pimp out to other homeless dogs so I can feed us all. Hope you're happy. You are the reason there's dog prostitution.

Oh, what? Feeling guilty that young, innocent pups are having to give up what's sacred to them because you can't display an emotion? Want to get excited now? Thought so.

Here's why I'm excited: I got another audition! This time it's for a comedy TV show called Toonagers (www.toonagers.tv)

Premise: It's 2010 in Austin, Texas. 22 year old Max Villanueva is a talented illustrator in his final semester at art school. He’s expected to graduate with honors and get an internship at a California studio that is touted as “the next Pixar.” Through an unforseen debacle, Max ends up failing his final, losing the internship, and forced to remain in Texas. His prospects bleak, Maxy seems on the verge of folding like a pair of pants until one of his best friends, angry computer geek Chuck, helps him acquire an animator’s job at Studio e-1, a small Austin-based company just getting off the ground.

e-1 handles mostly advertising for corporate clients – a far cry from what Max originally sought

– but it pays the bills and provides a workout for his animation skills. All the while, though, he

and Chuck are developing a concept for a program they call "Cel Mates" – the animated adventures of themselves and their crazy Austin friends.

Yes, it's set in Austin, but filming is at a studio in Houston. I will be auditioning for the role of Summer Woolbright: Summer is cut from a different cloth. She is the malfunctioning highbeam that can't be shut off. In life, she has the most flair. Summer was unknown to the other characters until being hired by Todd (boss) as the receptionist. At E-1, the proactive Summer instituted new traditions, including a monthly celebration called "Sparkles," where baked goods she had decorated to resemble the employees were eaten. Optimistic in a way befitting her name, Summer means well, even if some cynics dismiss her as a mere "heinous annoyance." 

A favorite target of the boys' practical jokes, Summer's facebook, twitter and myspace pages are regularly mocked, if not hacked. On those sites, she lists her 3 biggest heroes and influences, in order, as Joel Osteen, Ugly Betty, and 50 Cent.  She is first to know about all breaking news (refreshing TMZ and Perez Hilton dozens of times per day), and keeps in shape through a combination of river tubing, Nintendo Wii and indoor karaoke cycling. When there's a big job to be done and morale is low, Summer can be counted on to rally and excite the E-1 troops by flexing her muscles and encouraging them to be, "strong like bull!"

I got the script I will audition with yesterday, and it's really funny. Summer would be such a fun character to play. I so hope I get the part! Like Shut Your Blog Off, this too will film on weekends. I think it'll be so cool to go to an actual studio with set changes and wardrobe changes and do a comedy show with a group of talented, young actors. So you have an idea of what kind of humor it entails, Toonagers pulls from the shows The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It's not kids comedy, it's cable-TV, adult content comedy.

Wish me luck!

I could be bipolar...or just crazy

So last night I went to dinner with two beautiful ladies that I worked with at Bernstein & Assoc. (my first PR job). As I was driving home I got to thinking about how lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life. I mean, I have some awesome friends and family, y'all! Just incredible people that I am blessed to know and have in my life, people that mean so much to me. Old colleagues. Childhood friends. Acting companions. Family members. Current colleagues. To all of you I want to say Thank you! Thank you for coming into my life and making a lasting impression.

I carried those warm, fuzzy thoughts with me all the way home (much like the last little piggie)...until I turned the corner onto my street and saw that the across the street neighbors had parked their car in front of my house again. Those tender, mushy moments I had turned into douchebag this and mother f%*$er that and man, I really want to punch this car in its face or I really have to pee from the wine at the restaurant. Would it be wrong if I pissed on this stupid ass car? But know that during those 15 minutes it took me to drive home, I did experience some heartfelt emotions for all the great people I know and love. You're welcome.

I got an email from mi madre today (yes, I am bilingual. note it...and then erase it cause I'm lying). It was a list of church bulletins thats typos and/or wording made them very funny. Here are highlights of my favs:

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

(Why do I feel like these scouts are going to take a Dr. Pepper can and shank a 5-year-old?)

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

(This church must not have faith that its members know how to cook or they wouldn't be serving up Tums and Pepto afterward)

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

(Ummm, not sure what kind of church this is, but I'm pretty sure they got more worshipers that Friday. I would bet the word 'Church' here refers to a strip club. Just a thought.)

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

(I'm going to that hymn singing! I wonder if it's a 'clothes optional' gathering.)

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

(Now that's just wrong)

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours. 

(That's a little rude, don't you think? OK, so I can't increase my pledge. No need to butt rape my efforts, Father Dave.)

Just stupid shit today. Don't even bother unless you're really bored.

Wow! It has been a whole 2 weeks to the day since I last posted. What kind of world am I making you all live in? I'm sure you've been pulling your hair out everyday waiting for me to write something. For that I would like offer you a $5 off coupon for Rogaine to replace any lost hair...only I don't have any coupons, so I can only offer you an apology...except I'm not gonna do that either because I'm not really sorry, and I believe you shouldn't apologize if you don't mean it. Excuse me for having integrity.

Throughout the day and over the weekends things happen or come up that make me say, "I should blog about that." However, every time I get ready to blog I can't remember any of the things I said I should blog about. Ain't that somethin'?...Kinda pisses me off, really, so don't bring it up again.

Oh, I got a new deodorant (above). It's by Dove, and it's called Wild Rose, in case you can't read. Not at all sure what a wild rose smells like, so I can't comment on the accuracy of the name. Nor do I know what makes a rose wild. I mean, is the particular rose that made my deodorant known around the garden as the party rose, the one that gets drunk and sleeps around with all the other flowers? If so, that's awesome! But regardless of how promiscuous my rose was, this shiz be smelling good, yall! The first time I used it I had just gotten out of the shower and was putting my make on, and I kept sniffing the air and thinking Man, what smells so damn good? Did Adam spray something? Then I'd apply some blush and then some eyeshadow and again Freakin' A! Where is that coming from? I want to capture that scent, put it into a deodorant stick, name is Wild Rose and sale that biatch! Then it hit me. That good smell was coming from me. From my pits, if you can believe that. Then I was kinda bummed because there went my grand idea to make the scent into a deodorant called Wild Rose. Dove beat me to it. Bastards. I have no shame in confessing that I now frequently lift my arms just to get a whiff every now and again. Don't judge me.

Just 24 days until my trip to Playa! Whoo hoo! So excited...I am a little P-Oed, though, and a

tad confused. 

Yeah, like her...Although I think she was staring up at a latter as her coworker climbed up to get a box of paper. See, the printer ran out of paper, and you know no one's going to claim they used the last piece so her colleague offered to go get some more from the supply closet. Because safety comes first, Thelma here said she'd spot Kevin and support the latter. Only she didn't know Kevin, who has a sensitive stomach, had a big plate of Mexican food for lunch. On his way up he farted right in Thelma's face, and her hands are up like that because she's asking God Why? My point is that she's more disgusted, whereas I am confused. But I digress....I started going to the gym 3-4 times a week when I was 6 weeks out from the trip, hoping to get rid of some flab before I squeeze my ass into a bathing suit. However, I have not seen the results I expected to see at this point. Now, I will confess that I haven't really changed my eating habits, but they haven't gotten worse either. So here's my logic: Lets say that before working out I was eating 200 cal/day (we all know that's a big fat lie because I wouldn't survive on just 200 calories a day, but I like the number 200, so get over it). At this point in my very fake scenario, I am doing no physical activity. Now I keep eating 200 cal/day but add in working out. Because I am now burning more calories than I was before, wouldn't I still lose weight even though I didn't drastically change my eating habits? Did I make any damn sense to you just now? Ugh! Whatever. Be like that then. No, I am not being a baby. You're dumb. I'm being rude? Nuh uh, you are. I'm rubber, and you're glue. So there...My point (before you threw a hissy fit) is that I'm not as confident to get into a bathing suit as I hoped to be.

Well, I'm kinda bored of writing because none of the things I told myself to blog about came back to me while I was filling this page with stupid crap. And by bored I mean annoyed. And by stupid crap I mean really stupid crap. I think I should take after The Bloggess, my blogging idol, and start writing things down in a notebook or journal as they happen so that when I get ready to blog I just take out my notes and voila. Until next time, friends.