My Dog Needs Your Prayers

OK. So it's been a VERY long time since my last post. It seems I temporarily forgot how to take words and form coherent sentences with them. I didn't think anyone would enjoy a post that said: Yellow monkey lawnmower twisted lawsuit. I mean, how would you know that I was telling you that a yellow monkey was riding my lawnmower when he twisted his ankle, and now I face a lawsuit. But after some tedious therapy I can once again form sentences.

That's my lame attempt at humor. It's the best I got. Right now I am trying my darnedest to be optimistic. Trying desperately to avoid the voice inside my head that's telling me to breakdown and cry. I just want to submerge myself in water in hopes that it will wash my worry away. The concern I have is for my dog Dax.


Dax is my little angle. The sweetest puppy you'll ever meet. So full of life. Loves to run and play and give kisses. Which is why I knew something was up when I came home last night and he was acting so different, so lost. He was disoriented. Sniffing everything in the house like he was sniffing it for the first time. He would bump into things like he didn't see them at all. I would hold my finger or a toy in front of his face and move it from side to side, but he didn't follow it. He just stared blankly into space. His face was empty. I, of course, panicked and started crying because I was so scared for him. I mean, he must have been so confused, so scared. The vet was closed at this time, so I just waited until the morning to get him looked at. I slept with him snuggled close to my chest so that he felt safe and so that I could tell if something went wrong in the middle of the night. I woke up several times to make sure he was OK.

This morning he could see just fine. He went down the stairs into the backyard, which is previously was too scared to do, just like normal. I tested him again with my finger and a toy, and he followed it just fine. Hope was restored. However, I still took him to the vet to get checked out, to make sure there wasn't something I was missing.

The vet called me a bit ago to say that she is sending Dax to an eye specialist. My heart sank. My breath gone. She said that he'll follow her finger and walk in a straight line like normal, but that when she shines a light into his eyes neither one restricts. And when she used her special lens to see the structures behind his eye, she saw nothing. Her concern is that he has Progressive Retinal Degeneration, which is untreatable and inevitably leads to blindness. He is seeing a specialist on Tuesday. That feels like it's forever away. I want Dax tested now...but I can't do anything about that. I am on a cancellation list. If someone cancels I'll get their spot.

I'm just so upset. I don't want Dax to go blind. I hate to think that he'll never see his mommy's face again. And it breaks my heart to think about what he's feeling, to suddenly lose his sight. I am praying so hard that he does not have PRD, that what he has is curable and treatable. And I need your prayers as well. Please.

If he does go blind I will love him just the same. He will still be my precious baby. I will sit down with the vet to go over with her what to do when you're dog loses sight, and we'll go from there. Until we see the specialist I am going to love on Dax and comfort him and just make sure he feels at ease with his surroundings.

Please pray for him.

Update...Cause I know You Care

So it's been quite some time since my last post. I have now been living on my own for almost 3 weeks. It took some adjusting, but I've come to love it. And I can't help but be a bit proud of myself. As someone who always had to have some around for comfort and safety, I thought living alone would be a big feat for me. However, after the first few times I grew to enjoy my independence. I felt like...well, like a real adult. My mom came over, and we rearranged all the furniture. I redecorated my bathroom. I cook myself whatever I want for dinner. I decide what I watch on TV. And I get the whole bed to myself (no fighting for room or covers). Sure, I will once again welcome that constant companion, someone I share my life with again, but for now I am going to revel in this new-found independence and be grateful for it.

On the acting front, I have been cast in a new vampire show that is being pitched to Showtime. We are getting ready to film the pilot starting Saturday. I am Linda, a human who works for a vampire and who desperately wants to become a vampire...and enevtually I do. I am very excited because I get to play a human and then later a vampire, which allows me great range as an actress. I am super excited about this project. It's pretty dang cool, and it's a different take on vampires than what we've seen so far in movies and shows. It's already gotten some great interest. This one is the real deal. I've signed my contract and will be getting paid for my work. And then when it gets picked up, I will get paid from its success. I am just so thrilled right now and can't wait to start filming my scenes.

Well, I am exhausted. Work is CA-RAZY this week as I prepare for The Vintage Harvest Festival this Saturday at Vinatage Park. Everyone is invited. We will have art, food, wine, beer, kids activities, live music and a big screen in the Piazza showing football...so no excuses from the men. It's all free except for the wine & beer garden. That is $20 for 10 tastes or $50 to taste as you choose. Go to http://www.vintageharvestfest.com/ for directions and details...or ask me.

PS: I ate live ants today by accident, so I'm probably gonna wake up tomorrow with super powers. So...

He's Really Gone

It is through constant yawning and swollen eyes that I write this post today. All day yesterday I helped Adam pack his stuff and move into his new apartment. We were moving nonstop from 11:30 am to 8:00 pm, at which time we stopped to watch Dexter, then we made a final trip at 9:30 pm. We were going so fast and staying so busy that is wasn't until that last trip to his new place that everything hit me all at once. I stayed strong for as long as I could. I helped him set up his kitchen without shedding a single tear. I hung his new shower curtain without the slightest despair. I put clothes in his closet, helped him lay out his furniture, placed his toothbrush in his new bathroom cabinet all the while holding my composure...until it came time for that final goodbye. As we stood in the parking lot hugging each other one last time, I lost it. This is it. I cried like a baby the whole way home and kept crying as I walked through MY front door and into MY living room. As I made MY bed and watched MY television. These things were no longer ours. I must confess that it hurt...a lot. 

I found such comfort in falling alseep each night knowing that Adam was in the other room, mere seconds away. It was nice to have dinner with someone every night, to laugh with someone when the dogs did something crazy, to share my life with the same person for four years. And now that's all gone. I was in mourning last night. In mourning over the loss of a lifestyle I had come to know, the loss of a campion I had come to depend on as a constant fixture in my life. I walked from room to room when I got home and took in all the changes, all the empty space. It's a whole new house, one that I will have to get used to. It even feels different. The energy has changed. The house is in mourning too.

But although I have some tough nights ahead of me, I find solace in knowing that this was the right decision. These next few months are going to be spent healing, adjusting and beginning anew. I can steer my life in whatever direction I choose, and that is amazing. After a few nights the tears will subside, and eventually it will feel like home again.

I want to thank my incredible family and friends for all their love and support. I could not do this without you. I am just so lucky to have you all in my life and want you to know that I'm forever grateful. 

Change

Last post was Sept. 23. Holy cow! That was like a million years ago. I don't really have an excuse other than I momentarily stopped liking you because you forced me to take special pills that would make my imaginary friend disappear. Then I realized that was the mean mother in Drop Dead Fred that did that, not you. And it wasn't even me she did it to, it was her daughter, Elizabeth played by Phoebe Cates. So in short, I forgive you.

Right now my life is kind of in a whirlwind. It's like a hurricane, and I'm the eye in the center watching everything fly by me. Rapid change will do that to a person. What in my life is changing, you ask? Well, my boyfriend, Adam, and I have decided to break up and travel our own life path. He and I had been together for over 4 years. That's a long time. Four years holds a lot of hugs, kisses, laughs, tears, surprises, inside jokes. There are a lot of things that there wont be anymore of. No more cuddling on the couch watching TV, no more saying 'I love you,' no more cooking dinner for two, no more coming home to someone. That's a hard pill to swallow, and it's not going to make any imaginary friend disappear. It's going to make a whole lifestyle disappear...but a new one will grow in its place.

I do not regret this change, I embrace it, welcome it because it is needed. Adam and I just grew a part over the years. It wasn't anything either of us did or didn't do. No one is at fault, no one is a bad person. We're both good people who want different things in life, and that's OK. The best thing to do is to recognize that and let each go our own way rather than pretend it's all fine and wind up resenting one another. I didn't want to resent Adam. He's a great guy with a big heart. We just aren't in love anymore, and someone needed to say it out loud. It was so hard to do, but once I got it out there was instant relief. Anger, denial and tears followed, but that all subsided so that understanding, agreement and acceptance could emerge. I am so thankful that Adam and I can continue to be friends.

I would like to say that I don't regret the relationship we had. I don't for one second think our time together was a waste. I will walk away with some great memories that I will cherish forever. I will walk away having grown as a person and spiritually. I'm a better person for being with Adam, and I'm grateful for that. The next month will definitely have it's rough patches. I will have to get used to waking up alone. When I come home, I now have to know that no one will be coming in behind me. Going to bed without hearing The Mist or a PS3 gaming playing in the living room will be an adjustment : ) But as time goes on, a new routine will emerge, new habits will form, new realities will suddenly seem as though they've always been. This is an opportunity that he and I have both been given. The opportunity to mold our lives exactly the way we want them. The future is waiting for us to assemble it, shape it. The future is in my grasp, and I am reaching out.

A note to Adam: I know this isn't how we saw things playing out, but sometimes the greatest moments in life are the unexpected ones. I will cherish the time we had together and hold dear to the memories we've made. I wish you all the best as you conquer the future. You are smart and creative and filled with passion. Use those things. Thank you for understanding that this is a good decision for us, and thank you for opening your mind to the idea of a better life for us both. You're in my heart always.

The rantings of a crazy, peed on pizza

(GREAT BIG SIGH) I'm a bit discombobulated. Lots going on. Lots on my mind. Let me sum it up for you here because I know you have nothing better to do than read the goings on of my life...Which probably makes you a loser, but I'm not all judgy so don't sweat it.

First of all, the audition I had this past Saturday was the fastest audition EVER! Now I know I've only been on a grand total of 3 auditions, but I consulted Brad about it...that's Brad Pitt, by the way...and he even agreed that it was the fastest audition of all time. I checked in, filled out two forms, went into a room full of people, watched someone audition, I auditioned and then watched someone else audition all in 10 minutes. It was like the speed dating of auditions. I walked out of there having NO IDEA how to feel about it. 

I mean, the director went through everyone super fast. No one was asked to read their monologue, and people who had more than 5 lines in their given scene didn't even get to finish. It was weird. I think there was a time crunch happening. And I came to this conclusion because the director kept saying, "Sorry. I don't mean to be brash, but I'm running out of time." I know, I'm a real detective putting two and two together like that. So anyway, I felt blah afterward and was a bit POed that I paid $6 to park when I could have paid $2. I didn't do the $2 option because the director's email said to be prepared to stay 90 min. So there's that. 

Moving on...I just found out that my dog, Lola, has urine incontinence. Translation. She pees in her sleep. And she sleeps in bed with me. Wonderful. She has no idea she is peeing and doesn't even wake up during or after. It isn't until my foot stumbles upon a wet spot that I know she has peed. Then everyone has to get up at 4am while I strip the bed, and then we all sleep elsewhere. She is now on medication and will have to be on it for the rest of her life. My poor baby : ( This probably explains why she's been so down lately. She's ashamed. She knows peeing inside is a no-no, and even though she has no control over this at all, I think she still feels like she's been a bad girl. 

So I am being an understanding mommy. I tell her it's OK and that the medicine should start working soon. In the meantime, she goes outside right before bedtime, and then I hope for the best. Silver lining. I have super clean sheets. I do ask that you pray for the medicine to work because if not we have to take more extensive action. Urine incontinence is due to a low level of estrogen. Last resort is that Lola will have to get hormone injections, which carries side effects. Don't want to travel that road so please pray.

Oh no, I'm not done bitching yet. There's more. MY FACE! All this stress has made my face retaliate in the worst way...OK, maybe not in the worst way. My face could have fallen off completely, which really would be the worst thing, but it has done the second worst thing. Broken out. Ugh!!! Hate it. True story. This kid ran up and bit my face today mistaking it for a pepperoni pizza. 

Can you believe that? Well don't. It's a lie. I know I said it was a true story, but I was lying. No, that doesn't mean you shouldn't believe everything else I've said so far. Get over your trust issues. Lets work past this. OK. True story for reals. When I look at myself in the mirror I throw up a little....Yes, that's technically a lie too, but not completely. I FEEL like throwing up, I just have a tough stomach. Otherwise I totally would. To add salt to the wound (the wound being my vanity), I am supposed to be in a short film this weekend. Who wants to see this mug on film? Not me. I am desperately hoping the shoot gets rescheduled. Please, please, please.

So yeah, that's what I got going for me. I could go on and on, but we both know you'd cry, both for me and because of me. Lets save those tears. Hope your life is less stressful than mine. Adios.

WHOOP WHOOP! ANOTHER AUDITION!

First let me update you on the last post I made about an audition. It was for the part of Summer on a TV show called Toonagers. (You can catch up here is you missed that one). I didn't get the part of Summer, but the producers were very impressed by my audition and have asked me to take on another role. What that will be is to be determined. They are in the process of creating said character for me. Once they have a list of possible roles for me to play they will let me choose the one I like best. So even though I didn't get the role I read for, I have still been asked to be on the show and have received some pretty awesome compliments. The producers said that of all the auditions, no one had anywhere near my level of professionalism and craft, and they said I looked great on camera. Pretty cool to hear, right? 

They wanted me to meet the lead actor, so I went to see his band perform this past Saturday at The Mink downtown. They're really good--Electric Attitude is the name if you want to check them out. I got to meet him briefly, as he was busy making the rounds, and he mentioned that he watched my audition tape and said I was really good. Hearing these things from people I don't know feels really good. As someone just getting their toes wet in acting and having had no training whatsoever, it's easy to wonder if you're any good, if you even have the slightest bit of talent. Seems as though I'm not too shabby...either that or these people are lying to me so that I don't drowned myself in my tears. I'm gonna go with the former here.

While this is going on I submitted my headshot and resume to a director--Travis Ammons--who is working on a film in Houston called The Suicide Note (or Suicide Notes). It's a darker film but one with a mix of comedy. Here's the synopsis: Struggling playwright Julian Parker has sold his first play, THE SUICIDE NOTE. Despite the play ending in tragedy (the lead commits suicide), crazy naked director and local theatre legend Don Paulson wants to produce the play for a limited-three night-engagement. His gimmick is to cast three different actors in the lead role, each of whom are willing to commit suicide, literally, on stage at the end of the show. This dark satire about where modern media and reality TV are possibly taking us deals with the playwright and his moral dilemma over having these possible suicides on his conscience as well as delving into the lives and relationships of the director (and his sexy, money hungry producer) and the three “suicidal” actors who are cast in the play.

Interesting, right? I think so. It's slated to have some known actors involved, which is exciting. So like I said, I sent my headshot and asked if there is a role for a young, caucasian, blond female, and I got an email back from Travis that said my audition is this Sat. at 3pm. He attached a brief scene from the script (I am reading for the part of  the punk girls. Which one they are looking for me to play, I don't know at this point. I may read for all three. One of them is one of the girls who commits suicide in the play). I also have to prepare a 30 second theatrical monologue. I think I'm going to read a monologue from Louise Hovick aka Gypsy Rose Lee from the play Gypsy. Got to start prepping tonight : ) I have the scene from the film memorized, I just need to work on the details on the characters' persona.

So, wish me luck! I am nervous and excited. 

My Trip to Playa del Carmen!!

As some of you may know and others may not, I recently returned from a girls trip in Playa del Carmen. (First day there)

Hands down best vaca ever! Loved every moment of it...especially the massages on the beach. Yep, that's what I said. On. The. Beach. Be jealous...No seriously, be jealous.

I went with me two besties, Carrie & Julie, and had a great time. We sunbathed on the beautiful beach, went snorkeling, drank in the pool, ate, ate and ate some more, met tons of cool people, went out at night. It was just awesome! And to sweeten the deal, we had this in our hotel room...

Oh yeah! And how much was it to drink this alcohol? NADA! That's right, free. It was included in our package. How cool is that? Pretty dang if you ask me.

Because Julie and Carrie are two of the fun and funniest girls I know, we had a lot of laughs on our trip. And some crazy things happened too. Like, I had a spider monkey jump up on my shoulder.

And while I was walking to the beach one morning, a gardner asked me if I liked coconut. I said sure. Next thing I know he whips out a machete (a MACHETE, y'all!), grabs a coconut he got from one of the hotel tress, carves out the top, sticks a straw in it and gives it to me. Not an everyday thing for me. So I continue my walk to the beach with a huge ass coconut in my hand sipping juice from a straw. Then, while chillaxin' in the kids pool (no kids in it at the time), we saw this...

We named him Fernando. Not sure what the hell he is. He looked like a rat-pig thing. And I got stung by a bee for the first time in my life. I made it 25 years without getting stung by anything. I must say that I feel all grown up now. It stung for a bit, so nurse Carrie went up to this group of people (that knew no english by the way), asked for a cig, broke it a part and put the tobacco on my wound. Not sure what she was going for there. Apparently it's better to use dip.

I will say that we were all surprised by how European it is there. We met no other Americans. But we did meet people from Wales, England, Norway, Scotland, Spain, Italy. It was awesome! Being around all those accents was so cool. Being around all those topless women and speedo-wearing men...kinda weird.

I will also note that I did get color on this trip, brown not red, which is rare. Pretty exciting for a whitey like me to get a natural tan. I like it! Can't wait to go back : )