NEW AUDITION!

So, wow. I am posting two days in a row. This is monumental. HUGE. Get excited...So are you?What do you mean Am I what? Excited? Well fine, I don't care. Be a crappy friend. Because you're not excited, my self esteem has gone down, making me depressed and angry, which provoked me to throw my scissors across the office, hitting someone in the eye. Now she's crying and bleeding everywhere. Her loud crying (really, she's overdoing it if you ask me) made everyone come running out to see what the chaos is about, wherein another colleague of mine slipped in the blood of my now one-eyed colleague and now that person has a concussion and amnesia. Everyone is looking at me like I'm the one responsible when really it's you. I'm probably gonna get fired now, not be able to pay my rent, get kicked out of my house and forced to live on the streets with my dogs, who I will have to pimp out to other homeless dogs so I can feed us all. Hope you're happy. You are the reason there's dog prostitution.

Oh, what? Feeling guilty that young, innocent pups are having to give up what's sacred to them because you can't display an emotion? Want to get excited now? Thought so.

Here's why I'm excited: I got another audition! This time it's for a comedy TV show called Toonagers (www.toonagers.tv)

Premise: It's 2010 in Austin, Texas. 22 year old Max Villanueva is a talented illustrator in his final semester at art school. He’s expected to graduate with honors and get an internship at a California studio that is touted as “the next Pixar.” Through an unforseen debacle, Max ends up failing his final, losing the internship, and forced to remain in Texas. His prospects bleak, Maxy seems on the verge of folding like a pair of pants until one of his best friends, angry computer geek Chuck, helps him acquire an animator’s job at Studio e-1, a small Austin-based company just getting off the ground.

e-1 handles mostly advertising for corporate clients – a far cry from what Max originally sought

– but it pays the bills and provides a workout for his animation skills. All the while, though, he

and Chuck are developing a concept for a program they call "Cel Mates" – the animated adventures of themselves and their crazy Austin friends.

Yes, it's set in Austin, but filming is at a studio in Houston. I will be auditioning for the role of Summer Woolbright: Summer is cut from a different cloth. She is the malfunctioning highbeam that can't be shut off. In life, she has the most flair. Summer was unknown to the other characters until being hired by Todd (boss) as the receptionist. At E-1, the proactive Summer instituted new traditions, including a monthly celebration called "Sparkles," where baked goods she had decorated to resemble the employees were eaten. Optimistic in a way befitting her name, Summer means well, even if some cynics dismiss her as a mere "heinous annoyance." 

A favorite target of the boys' practical jokes, Summer's facebook, twitter and myspace pages are regularly mocked, if not hacked. On those sites, she lists her 3 biggest heroes and influences, in order, as Joel Osteen, Ugly Betty, and 50 Cent.  She is first to know about all breaking news (refreshing TMZ and Perez Hilton dozens of times per day), and keeps in shape through a combination of river tubing, Nintendo Wii and indoor karaoke cycling. When there's a big job to be done and morale is low, Summer can be counted on to rally and excite the E-1 troops by flexing her muscles and encouraging them to be, "strong like bull!"

I got the script I will audition with yesterday, and it's really funny. Summer would be such a fun character to play. I so hope I get the part! Like Shut Your Blog Off, this too will film on weekends. I think it'll be so cool to go to an actual studio with set changes and wardrobe changes and do a comedy show with a group of talented, young actors. So you have an idea of what kind of humor it entails, Toonagers pulls from the shows The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It's not kids comedy, it's cable-TV, adult content comedy.

Wish me luck!

I could be bipolar...or just crazy

So last night I went to dinner with two beautiful ladies that I worked with at Bernstein & Assoc. (my first PR job). As I was driving home I got to thinking about how lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life. I mean, I have some awesome friends and family, y'all! Just incredible people that I am blessed to know and have in my life, people that mean so much to me. Old colleagues. Childhood friends. Acting companions. Family members. Current colleagues. To all of you I want to say Thank you! Thank you for coming into my life and making a lasting impression.

I carried those warm, fuzzy thoughts with me all the way home (much like the last little piggie)...until I turned the corner onto my street and saw that the across the street neighbors had parked their car in front of my house again. Those tender, mushy moments I had turned into douchebag this and mother f%*$er that and man, I really want to punch this car in its face or I really have to pee from the wine at the restaurant. Would it be wrong if I pissed on this stupid ass car? But know that during those 15 minutes it took me to drive home, I did experience some heartfelt emotions for all the great people I know and love. You're welcome.

I got an email from mi madre today (yes, I am bilingual. note it...and then erase it cause I'm lying). It was a list of church bulletins thats typos and/or wording made them very funny. Here are highlights of my favs:

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

(Why do I feel like these scouts are going to take a Dr. Pepper can and shank a 5-year-old?)

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

(This church must not have faith that its members know how to cook or they wouldn't be serving up Tums and Pepto afterward)

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

(Ummm, not sure what kind of church this is, but I'm pretty sure they got more worshipers that Friday. I would bet the word 'Church' here refers to a strip club. Just a thought.)

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

(I'm going to that hymn singing! I wonder if it's a 'clothes optional' gathering.)

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

(Now that's just wrong)

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours. 

(That's a little rude, don't you think? OK, so I can't increase my pledge. No need to butt rape my efforts, Father Dave.)

Just stupid shit today. Don't even bother unless you're really bored.

Wow! It has been a whole 2 weeks to the day since I last posted. What kind of world am I making you all live in? I'm sure you've been pulling your hair out everyday waiting for me to write something. For that I would like offer you a $5 off coupon for Rogaine to replace any lost hair...only I don't have any coupons, so I can only offer you an apology...except I'm not gonna do that either because I'm not really sorry, and I believe you shouldn't apologize if you don't mean it. Excuse me for having integrity.

Throughout the day and over the weekends things happen or come up that make me say, "I should blog about that." However, every time I get ready to blog I can't remember any of the things I said I should blog about. Ain't that somethin'?...Kinda pisses me off, really, so don't bring it up again.

Oh, I got a new deodorant (above). It's by Dove, and it's called Wild Rose, in case you can't read. Not at all sure what a wild rose smells like, so I can't comment on the accuracy of the name. Nor do I know what makes a rose wild. I mean, is the particular rose that made my deodorant known around the garden as the party rose, the one that gets drunk and sleeps around with all the other flowers? If so, that's awesome! But regardless of how promiscuous my rose was, this shiz be smelling good, yall! The first time I used it I had just gotten out of the shower and was putting my make on, and I kept sniffing the air and thinking Man, what smells so damn good? Did Adam spray something? Then I'd apply some blush and then some eyeshadow and again Freakin' A! Where is that coming from? I want to capture that scent, put it into a deodorant stick, name is Wild Rose and sale that biatch! Then it hit me. That good smell was coming from me. From my pits, if you can believe that. Then I was kinda bummed because there went my grand idea to make the scent into a deodorant called Wild Rose. Dove beat me to it. Bastards. I have no shame in confessing that I now frequently lift my arms just to get a whiff every now and again. Don't judge me.

Just 24 days until my trip to Playa! Whoo hoo! So excited...I am a little P-Oed, though, and a

tad confused. 

Yeah, like her...Although I think she was staring up at a latter as her coworker climbed up to get a box of paper. See, the printer ran out of paper, and you know no one's going to claim they used the last piece so her colleague offered to go get some more from the supply closet. Because safety comes first, Thelma here said she'd spot Kevin and support the latter. Only she didn't know Kevin, who has a sensitive stomach, had a big plate of Mexican food for lunch. On his way up he farted right in Thelma's face, and her hands are up like that because she's asking God Why? My point is that she's more disgusted, whereas I am confused. But I digress....I started going to the gym 3-4 times a week when I was 6 weeks out from the trip, hoping to get rid of some flab before I squeeze my ass into a bathing suit. However, I have not seen the results I expected to see at this point. Now, I will confess that I haven't really changed my eating habits, but they haven't gotten worse either. So here's my logic: Lets say that before working out I was eating 200 cal/day (we all know that's a big fat lie because I wouldn't survive on just 200 calories a day, but I like the number 200, so get over it). At this point in my very fake scenario, I am doing no physical activity. Now I keep eating 200 cal/day but add in working out. Because I am now burning more calories than I was before, wouldn't I still lose weight even though I didn't drastically change my eating habits? Did I make any damn sense to you just now? Ugh! Whatever. Be like that then. No, I am not being a baby. You're dumb. I'm being rude? Nuh uh, you are. I'm rubber, and you're glue. So there...My point (before you threw a hissy fit) is that I'm not as confident to get into a bathing suit as I hoped to be.

Well, I'm kinda bored of writing because none of the things I told myself to blog about came back to me while I was filling this page with stupid crap. And by bored I mean annoyed. And by stupid crap I mean really stupid crap. I think I should take after The Bloggess, my blogging idol, and start writing things down in a notebook or journal as they happen so that when I get ready to blog I just take out my notes and voila. Until next time, friends.