I could be bipolar...or just crazy

So last night I went to dinner with two beautiful ladies that I worked with at Bernstein & Assoc. (my first PR job). As I was driving home I got to thinking about how lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life. I mean, I have some awesome friends and family, y'all! Just incredible people that I am blessed to know and have in my life, people that mean so much to me. Old colleagues. Childhood friends. Acting companions. Family members. Current colleagues. To all of you I want to say Thank you! Thank you for coming into my life and making a lasting impression.

I carried those warm, fuzzy thoughts with me all the way home (much like the last little piggie)...until I turned the corner onto my street and saw that the across the street neighbors had parked their car in front of my house again. Those tender, mushy moments I had turned into douchebag this and mother f%*$er that and man, I really want to punch this car in its face or I really have to pee from the wine at the restaurant. Would it be wrong if I pissed on this stupid ass car? But know that during those 15 minutes it took me to drive home, I did experience some heartfelt emotions for all the great people I know and love. You're welcome.

I got an email from mi madre today (yes, I am bilingual. note it...and then erase it cause I'm lying). It was a list of church bulletins thats typos and/or wording made them very funny. Here are highlights of my favs:

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

(Why do I feel like these scouts are going to take a Dr. Pepper can and shank a 5-year-old?)

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

(This church must not have faith that its members know how to cook or they wouldn't be serving up Tums and Pepto afterward)

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

(Ummm, not sure what kind of church this is, but I'm pretty sure they got more worshipers that Friday. I would bet the word 'Church' here refers to a strip club. Just a thought.)

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

(I'm going to that hymn singing! I wonder if it's a 'clothes optional' gathering.)

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

(Now that's just wrong)

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours. 

(That's a little rude, don't you think? OK, so I can't increase my pledge. No need to butt rape my efforts, Father Dave.)