Excuse me Motherhood, you can take a number and wait.

Disclaimer: Some names and photos in this post have been changed to protect the identity of those involved...and maybe also to appease their mother. Mostly the latter.

Disclaimer 2: None of the kids featured in this post are up for adoption...just sayin'

So yesterday evening I babysat my nephew Percy (fake name), 5 on the verge of 6, his brother Elias (also fake), 2 1/2, and our cousin Alex, also 2. As always, when I babysit I get a small dose of motherhood, but last night, with 3 boys, I got a dose that no spoonful of sugar would help go down.

I brought Alex and his big brother Joe over to my brother's house around 6pm. Pizza arrived promptly after...and the evening began. (side note: I don't include Joe in the list of kids I babysat because he's 13. If you have a couch and a laptop, done. I will say that it was helpful to have him there to go outside with the boys so that I could clean up. But I am ahead of myself here). I begin preparing the dinner plates one by one, while simultaneously participating in this conversation.

Percy: Alex, stop. I can't hear the movie.
Me: Alex, come play with that toy in here. Elias, you're food is ready.
Elias: Yay!
Me to Elias: What do you want to drink?
Percy: Alex, stop it.
Me: Alex, come in here, please.
Elias: Orange juice.
Me: Percy, ready for your pizza?
Percy: I don't want pizza.
Me: Well, you have to eat dinner.
Percy: But I don't want pizza. Alex, stop!
Me: Well how about a sandwich? Alex, put the toy down it's time to eat.
Percy: OK.
Me: PB&J no crust?
Percy: Yes.

Then once all three plates were ready, the next scene plays out as more of a monologue.

Me: Elias, come sit down and eat. Alex, don't put your fork in the toy box. Percy, you need to go eat your sandwich. Alex, Elias, come back to the table and eat. Percy, don't forget to eat your blueberries. Alex, where's you fork? Here Elias, wipe your hands on this not the table.

Fun times. After everyone had eaten, Joe took them all outside to play soccer, which gave me a LITTLE break to clean up and start laundry...That would be my laundry for those wondering. My dryer broke, and I had a load in the wash so I brought it over to dry it. Just clarifying in case you were thinking, "Wow. When she babysits she does the laundry too? Lets hire her." Umm, negative. I hate washing my own clothes, so I'm definitely not washing yours.

The cleaning break was short-lived, however, because I knew it would be a hard task for Joe to watch all three boys while also trying to entertain himself. So there I was following Elias around the yard because he held a baseball bat that I just knew was going to end up smacking Alex, who liked to stand in swinging range from Elias. Once Elias dropped the bat, I seized the opportunity to put it away. I turned my back for one second and a loud cry ensues. I turn around to see Elias in tears with skittle-flavored drool running down his chin. While frantically trying to figure out what happened, I discovered that he was mad at Joe for tickling him. So inside I go with Elias, who I clean up and put PJs on. Then in comes Percy. "He hurt my finger." "Who?" "Joe." "How?" "The ball." "Joe, what happened?" "I kicked the ball, and when he went to catch it he jammed his finger." "Percy, let me see. It looks fine. Are you OK?" "Yeah." "OK. Let me clean your face and get your PJs."

Bedtime was a feat all of it's own. Getting one kid to sleep can be taxing, three was damn near impossible. I put all three boys in Percy's bed to read to them. It was a good idea in theory. Things were off to a good start, but then Alex wanted to get down. I decided to lay him on the couch with Joe until I got Percy and Elias to sleep. I continue reading but am interrupted by fits of laughter. Elias is flopping about like a fish out of water. Percy starts laughing, which makes Elias laugh and inspires him to keep flopping around. I put my adult voice on and threatened to separate them. That method only worked for a grand total of 5 minutes. So I had to stick to my word and take Elias to his room and rock him. After he is good and drowsy I lay him in his bed...and he cries. I walk out and see if he will soothe himself. He does. Score! Then down the hallway comes Alex. Talking. That wakes Elias up. He cries. I go into Elias' room, and Alex, being curious as to why there is a crying baby, follows me. As I am rocking Elias again, Alex lays on a pillow-chair...and starts playing with a toy on the ground. I want to get him to stop, but Elias is sleeping on my chest so speaking in my normal voice may wake him. So I start whispering firmly, which if you've ever tried is not really that authoritative. "Ssp. Alex. Stop. Ssp. Hey. Stop." He eventually got the message. I put Elias back in bed. He cried again. I lied and said I had to use the restroom and would be right back. It worked. I didn't come back.

Two down. One to go. I must mention that at this point I had some perspiration going on. Was I jogging? No. On the treadmill. Nuh-uh. Doing exercise of any kind? Nope. But I now think putting three small kids to sleep at one time should be a part of the triathlon competitions. Lets see them do that. I took Alex into another room and sang to him until he fell asleep. Or maybe he just pretended to be asleep so I would stop singing. Either way, baby number 3 was out.

My brother and sister-in-law arrived home shortly after Alex went down. I gave them a brief recap of the night then scooped up Alex and headed out the door. It was there on the front porch with my purse on one shoulder and a sleeping baby Alex on the other that I realized that having this life would be completely satisfying. That motherhood, with it's snotty noses, sleepless nights and temper tantrums, will be the most fulfilling life of all....Not now, though. I'm good just babysitting. So motherhood, even though I turn all the lights off and pretend I'm not home when you knock on the door and don't answer the phone when you call, one day I will open the blinds and put out the welcome mat and be glad to have you. But how about booking a vacation until Mr. Right comes knocking on my door first? Deal?

I dedicate this post to Joe, Percy, Elias, Mason, Alex, Max and Everett. My boys. I love you all so much and enjoy every minute I spend with you. You give me all the perks of motherhood because I get to see you laugh and play and grow and learn...and then when you throw a fit or fall down and scrape your knee or have too much sugar, I get to go home : )

Joe (this pic is two years old)

Percy & Elias

Mason

Alex

Max

Everett