So it turns out I's gots skillz

So Tuesday night was a big milestone for me. It was the screening of the first movie I ever acted in, and it was the first time I ever watched myself. Needless to say I was a nervous wreck...on the inside, of course. You wouldn't have none that I simultaneously felt the urge to vomit, pee on myself and cry. I hid it well...I am an actress after all.

My Aunt Linda was there for moral support. For family and friends reading this who feel a bit perturbed that you didn't get an invite to this screening, unclench your fists because I didn't invite anyone. Linda found out because she is a member of the film group. And the reason I didn't tell anyone was because this was my first movie and first screening. If I was horrible, I didn't want all my loved ones to witness it. So anyway, Linda was there, which was great because should I have needed a hand to squeeze or a leg to dig my nails in to, I had one.

As the movie played, I anxiously awaited my scenes. The way I felt watching myself on TV is hard to explain. It's almost as if I was watching someone else, like it didn't sink in that that was me. Me. I was, of course, analyzing and critiquing every little thing I said or did. I sat on the front row, and once the movie was over I remember thinking, "Am I going to turn around and meet a room full of people scornfully staring at me, shaking their heads in disappointment? Or will I see smiling faces that produce words of praise?" I sat there a while, fixed on the blank TV in front me, awaiting the courage to turn around and see the audience reaction. When I finally did, I was met with...compliments, congratulations, hugs and smiles. OK, Sarah. You can breathe now. You did it.

To hear from my peers that I am talented, that I did an awesome job, that my acting is pure and believable was an incredible moment for me. One I will never forget. In that moment I finally had the strength to believe in myself. Having never had others watch me before, I could only hope I had talent, but I no longer have to hope for it, I can say I have it. And that is a moment of self worth I am grateful to have gained.

This screening was just the motivation I needed to keep pursuing my dream. One that I now feel is attainable.