1 Crunch, 2 Crunch, 3 Crunch...Oh, Cake!

With each step I take in my colorful, summery wedges, I am reminded of my little Sunday morning "workout." I have to use quotations because I doubt that what I did would be considered an actual workout, but because it will makes me feel better to call it that, I will. Somewhere along the course of my life I went from Ms. Super Active to Ms. Sits On Her Ass, and I can't figure out how that transition came about. It's pretty sucky, though, so I decided that Sunday was a good day to get out of my habit of being inactive. Jesus wasn't the only one experiencing a resurrection this Easter.

I began with a basic Pilates DVD that I managed to find and dust off. About 1/3 of the way through I said to myself, "The hell with this shit! I'm doing something else." My tolerance levelf for things that irritate me is amazing. All 4 years of high school I was on the dance team--The Sterling Stars--and we started everyday off by stretching. So, I decided that I would start my newfound empowerment with some stretches, reverting back to what we did in dance class. I quickly learned how pathetically out of shape I've become. There were stretches that I used to do that displayed all kinds of flexibility, like the splits. The only thing I split now are my pants. In my younger years, I used to be able to sit down with my legs at a wide V and lean completely over, touching my head to the floor. Sunday, I was lucky to get 1/4 of the way to the floor. It was pitiful! After some self esteem-lowering stretches I did some basic moves, like jumping jacks, squats, crunches, calf lifts and weights. Now, when I say weights, I mean that I took one of Adam's 25 lbs barbells and lifted it with both hands. One rep of 20. Pretty impressive. 

Today I am feeling the wrath of my new go-getter attitude. My calves and arms are so sore, and I have to ask myself, "Was it worth it?" I know I have to do it for more than one day, but patience is not a virtue I have. I want results now! Is that too much to ask? Is it too much to ask for donuts and chocolate to make one lose weight rather than gain it? I'm just saying. Just throwing out some food for thought. Now that's an expression that I can get behind. Food for thought. Hey, I need to think up good ideas all the time. That's all I'm saying. I only scarf down kolaches and cake because it's vital that I come up with new ideas. It has nothing to do with how freakin' good that crap tastes.

So here we are at the end of the day, and I am left contemplating whether or not to continue my wussy workout this evening. The problem is finding something that's fun, and in no way is sweating, panting and wishing I was dead fun. Maybe that's just me. A colleague of mine introduced an idea that she herself has tried. Whether or not she carried through with it is null and void. She suggested going to Half Priced Books and getting a really old workout tape from like the 80s and working out to that. For some reason most people get captivated watching stupid TV shows or late night infommercials. There's just something about bad acting and lame gimmicks that gets me. So, the idea is that if I get an old workout video I will be so intrigued to watch those big-haired, leotard wearing ladies jump around that, in laughing at them, I might actually get up and join in. That way I can do one of my favorite hobbies (making fun of people) and burn calories at the same time. It's a win-win!

Well, it's that time. Got to go home and start dinner. Will it be fried chicken with a side of cheesecake and fudge brownies or a four cheese pizza complimented by a three-layer chocolate cake with ice cream? Now why I can't lose weight just baffles me.